Why can’t you just come and move here. Live where Rose used to live. Keep me company. We will go watch the stars from my porch at night. We will swing and talk to each other until our hearts are mended from 13 years of people clawing away at them. We will watch the sunset from Taylor Dock. We will go on hikes and get in mud fights. We will get ice cream and talk. We will run up and down Taylor street in our bikinis, feeling the rain against our skin. We will dance on the beach. We will pretend we are little and make believe we are wizards. We will make forts and tell each other there is nothing out there. We will come up with crazy ideas on how to rule the world. We will spend rainy days writing a novel together. We will make a vegetable garden in my back yard and try to have no carbon footprint. We will take a road trip together on our bikes. We will raise vast sums for environmental causes. We will have a race to see who can pick up the most garbage. We will build a snow cave big enough for us to stand in. We will make a slip and slide down your stairs.

You wouldn’t claw away at my heart, pulling and twisting it until it is maimed. Telling me you will always be my best friend, until suddenly you find someone else. You won’t abandon me with no one to talk to. You wouldn’t change into someone else, covering your beauty with make up. You won’t start wearing slutty clothes, or put down random people for no reason. You will understand what I say when we talk. I believe in you. You are coming. I know it. I need you. You could be an imaginary friend if I could only make myself believe. I just want someone to have fun with. Who will help me live. Everyone says there is someone out there for everyone. You don’t need to be perfect, you just need to listen. You need to be inventive. Or I could be inventive and you could just go along with it.

I miss when I was little and I didn’t know there was such a thing as a best friend. I didn’t know I was missing anything then. I was happy having two friends. I hung out with them sometimes, but mostly me and Cinna hung out. She lived in a tree house in my back yard. Then one day she stopped calling me. I don’t have her any more, but I have you and I don’t want you to go away. I know you are just a dream. I don’t even know what you look like because I don’t have an imagination anymore, but I believe in you. But something in me knows you aren’t coming.