Death is a natural thing, but it just didn't seem fair that day. It can happen in a second and it's hit me like a wall of bricks, leaving me completely speechless. I didn't want to believe it and I asked myself, is this a dream? A joke? No, it's real. I remember the day I lost my cousin. Deaths have made me weak and upset, but at the end of the day, it has molded me into the person I am today and ultimately made me stronger.

I sat there in a state of shock when I first heard the news. I had just finished warming up some leftovers with my cousin, Nick. We were about to chow down when I heard the phone start to ring. I was surprised when I saw my mom calling because usually it's just some annoying person trying to sell us something. I picked up and she was crying. What I next heard, threw me into a pit of disbelief. I could not believe what I was hearing. I just slowly was answering my mom and I sat there staring at Nick. I hung up with my mom and didn't make a single movement. I was frozen in fear that this wasn't a joke, but reality. Nick was questioning me what it was, but I didn't know what to say to him or how to say it. My lips wouldn't move, my voice couldn't produce any sound. But finally I got the words out.

He couldn't believe it either. We sat there motionless. Sarah was dead. To this day, I still wonder why I couldn't produce any tears. I sometimes think it's because I cried enough when my dad left and my parents got divorced. But still, I loved my cousin Sarah so I don't understand why I couldn't feel. And that was the weirdest part, I couldn't feel anything.

I was too messed up after that. I couldn't go to school. I ended up staying home for a week. I was in no mood to do anything. I couldn't think straight because it had yet to set in that Sarah was really gone.

I remember finally where the tears came. It all hit me in the funeral home. I couldn't even go up to the casket. It was an open casket and I couldn't make it up there. I thought about seeing my cousin lying there motionless and no matter what I could do, no matter how hard I could shake her or yell her name, she wasn't going to wake up. Just the thought of her being up there destroyed me and brought me to tears.

By the time we reached the cemetery, my eyes had run dry. It was sad, but I had no more tears to shed. It was a beautiful day and in my opinion, it couldn't have been a better day for saying our final “good byes” to Sarah.

Every day I stop and think how different my life would be if Sarah were still in it. She was suppose to be there for my first year of high school, and I remember her saying she was going to look out for me. It's just so upsetting how the world works and how cruel it can be. But I think it has made me realize to live life to it's fullest and too enjoy every second of life. It could all be gone in an instant. Death has changed me, and we can't fight it, we just have to face it.