I don’t know which I would rather believe. That you never did care about me or that you eventually stopped. Everyday has become a fight between reality and my fantasies. But no matter which one wins that day, you’re always a part of it. In my reality, my heart has become so numb to the pain and I cry because I want to feel something at least. But on the flip side, in my fantasies, you flew down to live closer to me. We’re a happy couple and all our friends envy our love. You told me not to contact you anymore and every second it’s a struggle to listen to you. I contradicted myself. I told you I would respect you and not talk to you anymore, but when we first met, I promised you that I would never leave you. Technically though, you’re leaving me. You broke up with me when we weren’t even going out. Is that even possible? You were my first love, even though I’ve never met you, I know that you were the one for me. Every guy that I ever meet from this day on will always be compared to you. I didn’t ask for it to be over, but then again, I didn’t ask for it to begin. And I know you didn’t intentionally break my heart. You even said you were sorry. The hardest part of knowing you don’t love me, is that you spent so much time pretending you did. But to let someone go doesn’t mean you have to stop loving them. It only means that you allow that person to find their own happiness without you and without ever expecting them to come back. But no matter what you do or say to me, if you come back, when you need me again, I’ll be right here, waiting for you. I’ll take you back. No questions asked. Sad isn’t it? That I’d rather be alone than not be with you. I know that there were reasons we met, reasons for the good times and reasons for the bad times, and most importantly a reason to end. But somehow, I know we’ll meet again. I’m not sure how or when, but until then, goodbye.
A Love Lost But Not Gone
September 12, 2011