Sincerest Apologies

July 4, 2011
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Dear N,

You will never see this, but I need relief.

I need a sense of comfort from your cold shoulder.

Please understand. I was only trying to help.

What you were doing wasn’t right.

I know you could care less for what I had to say, but hear me out.

I love you.

I know you are gay. I know you have affections for other people, but I want you to know. It has been inside me and I need to let it out.

I don’t know why. I don’t know how you started. I probably should because I thought we were close.

I’m sorry, but cutting isn’t the answer.

What I did was wrong. Cutting is not the answer.

I shouldn’t have done that.

I thought, “Maybe if I cut, you would get worried and stop.”, but I was wrong.

I only created pain. Emotionally and physically.

After the secret was leaked to authority, I tried my best. I tried to stitch back what I had ripped open.

I cried. You are surrounded by people who would say the meanest of things to protect you.

You need to know.

You have to know.

I only wanted the best for you. You were like my brother.

I wish I could undo what happened.

My friends talk about you in a positive way, yet I am just in the shadows, recalling the past events.

So this is my memoir.

To you.
With love…

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