Most people have dreams, most people have hope, most people feel happy, most people feel alive. I live in a world of constant depression. I have everything, yet I have nothing. I cannot talk to people; it’s impossible. Adults nag and just talk about themselves, they seriously don’t give a f***. I have the best parents ever, yet when I grow up i'm getting the hell away from them because I can’t stand the way they make me feel. I am so different from everyone I know, I am truly unhappy. I always feel like s*** and I can’t talk to anyone because lets face it no one gives a s*** how you’re feeling. I love being by myself, I love nature, and I love this whole world. But I hate everyone in it. People are so f***ing fake whether they’re your friends or not- everyone is so fake and annoying. I never trust anyone because everyone breaks your heart and soul at one point. SO no one is worth talking to. And so I talk to god. It is just me and him, we get through everything somehow. But feeling this unhappy and lonely gets depressing. So depressing that at times I just want to die or get away. Getting away wont get me anywhere because people will always be there. I rather live by myself in my own little world, completely isolated from everyone. Yet this is completely impossible. I must live in a world filled with torture and constantly here people talk s***. I hate the way people always love to make other people feel shitty, it kills me to see that people are so cruel. I hate people who feel that they have to act a different way just to impress someone or hang out with a different crowd. I hate the way people do not move on and linger on the same subbject which consumes and ultimately destroys one’s soul. I love the children of this world and how innocent they are until they learn that this whole world is completely corrupt in every sense possible. I love seeing smiles, i love feeling the warmth of a hug, I love seeing other people happy. This is me. I observe the world and I take in all the good and all the bad. I love doing good deeds whatever it may be- it makes me feel good that I helped someone somewhere somehow because evryone needs help once in a while. This is what keeps me alive- the love that is left in this world. I am in high school and I have everything going for me, yet nothing is as it seems. I just want high school to be over so I can go into the world and discover who I really am and why I was put into this world. I want to explore so many places, I want to learn about so many cultures, I want to appreciate this beautiful world that everyone takes for granted. It seems as people do not realize why they live in the first place, they forget and hurt others along the way. As i said before, I feel so different and I am always depressed. Writing helps me come out and tell peop[le what I feel because I cant speak them- i dont know how to. I have yet to find something I am passionate for. I just dont know. I feel as if I wasted my whole life trying to please others, trying to make friends, trying to keep my act together when inside i am dying. I can’t take things anymore. But I must, I will continue with my fake act, trying to smile, trying to seem happy, trying to act as the jenn you all know, but thats not the real me. The real me will never come out because the people in this world are completely fake to begin with so why should i let my cover down. I realize this wont get me anywhere but I just dont give a f*** anymore. I have been through so much and I have lived…no one knows even half my story…no one needs to know. My eyes hurt from crying so much and my head burns from thinking about everything. Nothing is worth anything to me. This just doesnt feel like life. I just hope i found out why i was put on this earth before its too late.
Life is simply wonderful
July 14, 2011