The Misadventures of a High School Student

June 24, 2011
I was molded and transformed into someone I wasn't. I walked around the school in a trance, not knowing whether things were going to go left or right. No, I wasn't on drugs; I was a robot. If someone said, "Go," I went. If someone told me I wasn't worth it, I would believe it. It was immensely pitiful. As I marched around the school, moving my limbs while people were constantly pushing my buttons, all I did was go with the flow, not knowing that this flow would only drown me In the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't right, I knew that things weren't supposed to go the way they were, but they did. I created this concrete shell around my true self; no one could break it open even if they wanted to. Of course, I had allies and people definitely felt sorry for me, but I was in a sleepless trance that I simply couldn't snap out of.

It's the year of kissing butt, not literally, mentally. I trained myself to not only be a robot, but also be everyone's favorite slave. "Jenna, do my homework," "Jenna, go steal this," "Jenna, shut the hell up." Everyone's wish was my only command. Believe me, I tried to snap out of it. I think my brain waves were tangled in a giant bowling ball of commands, knocking down all my real qualities and striking every ounce of confidence to the last pin. I descended into a world of depression; all of my thoughts were depriving me of my happiness. I strayed far off the path I was supposed to be on; there was no looking back or turning around. I was in my own little one. I pushed all of my friend away into the darkest corner I could find and blocked their way out with every excuse in the book. I was a mental happiness assassin, killing everything with joy that came my way. No one wanted to be around me, I was alone in the sense tha everything was artificial. I was like a fish trapped in a bowl of Jell-O, no matter how far I swam; there was no getting to the top of my problems.

It's the year of realization. The year where I realized that being a robot in a world of living, breathing humans was nothing but destruction. I got so angry, I was like the Tasmanian Devil, wanting to rip and shred through everything that ever hurt me or instilled in my brain that I was nothing but a piece of metal with a sequence of commands. I felt like going down my own yellow brick road and finding my heart, after everyone devoured it. Of course, it took a few months to get a hold of myself and put my life back together. It was one hell of a jigsaw puzzle, I can tell you that much. Sometimes, all I could do is create a frame around the master piece I was working on, only putting the corner pieces of the puzzle together. Sometimes, I could create that zone where I could create the puzzle in ten seconds flat. But I did it.

I GOT THE POWER! That's my motto this year. I will no longer be a prisoner of my past, but a warrior of the future. I still have a few glitches but I always have the tools necessary to fix them. Whenever I felt like I made a mistake, I would turn into a mechanic and re-arrange the things that needed re-arranging, fix the things that needed to be fixed, and make my engine rev until I ran out of gas. My main problem is strength. The strength to keep on moving forward, the strength to say, "No," and be able to move on. Sometimes life sucks, but there is really nothing I can do about it, except take a deep, cleansing breath, and show the world and myself that I broke out of my cocoon and transcended into the world of humans, once again.

Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

Site Feedback