Diary 1: Lost

June 24, 2011
Lost. Lost in a world of hopes, dreams, and desires. Hopes, dreams, and desires all swallowed by lies, fails, and disappointments. This world is a giant challenge. To see what we can face on our own, and what we can do by ourselves. To see if we can really depend on people and really trust them. It tests our ability to work with others and make the people we don’t like ever know. A lie. We tell ourselves one thing while we live another way. A lie. We tell people one thing while we think differently inside. A lie. All because we don’t want to let people down. A disappointment. We don’t want to show them what we wish we were capable of but really aren’t. A disappointment. Then we tell ourselves that there is no point in trying. No point in going anywhere and giving up on whatever we thought would be right. A fail. We give up on ourselves before we have a chance to believe in ourselves. A fail. We say that it’s okay and that there is no point. A fail.
And then there are relationships. Relationships with friends, family, and unspoken relationships. The ones we wish we could reach for but don’t have the guts. The ones we are afraid to open ourselves up to in fear of getting hurt. The ones where we can just be ourselves and we’ll still be loved, and yet we don’t have the stability to go for it because were scared. We are scared of rejection, lies, fails, disappointments, hardships, nothing. And yet, we can’t find the ability to put all those behind us and go for what we want.
We are a people of wanting, but a wanting in silence. We don’t take risks for fear of the consequences. We don’t live life for fear of pain. We don’t take chances for fear of rejection. We don’t open up for fear of being hurt. Life is one big ball of lies that pushes, rips, and tears us to shreds. To get out of the ball though, we have to cling to the thoughts of what could be. Cling to the thoughts of what should be and give it all we got. We can’t hold back or we may never know what we missed. It’s the risks and chances we take that make life worth while. The ones that make us believe we are great, we are beautiful, and we can do it.





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BieberLover16 said...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 12:52 pm
Wow!! this is amazing an d I love it!
 
dncrgrl93 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 4:44 pm
Thank you!! :)
 
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