Traumatized

I remember all of it so clearly. Like it was just yesterday when it happened. When it really happened four years ago.


On a beautiful Sunday morning, I was eating a very delicious Hispanic meal with my family. Everyone was at the table except my dad. He was up looking for his pills, trying to get over a cold. As I'm enjoying my family breakfast, I look over at my dad, then I noticed that his face was so purple, his hands around his neck like if he was reaching for air. I had no idea what to do! Do I get up call 911 or just stand there and wait for someone to do something about it? I was so scared; everyone was.


I remember my mom got up, wrapped her arms below his chest and right above his belly to proceed the Heimlich Maneuver but since my dad is so big, she couldn't seem to succeed. My mom shouts “CALL 911, MARTHA!” My sister gets the phone but doesn't dial any numbers, she replies “What's the number to 911?!” It may seem so stupid now, but then, I could understand how she couldn't seem to know the number if the name itself says it. We were all freaking out. All I remember was thinking two things: 1) For my dad to be OK and 2) Wishing this nightmare could go away.


Think about it this way, What if one of your very loved one is slowly dying right in front of you and all you're doing is watching them! How horrible is that? Yes, now that I think about it, I wish I can go back and could have done something but I can't. All I'm left is with guilt and that little wonder in my head saying “How would it been like if you had done something” I mean, what's the use of thinking all of this if it's in the past? A past that I can't go back to. It's all just pointless but at the same time all you do is wish and wonder.


You're probably wondering what happened to my dad. Is he OK, alive, dead? He's alive. And I thank God everyday that he didn't take him. After my mom trying to do the Heimlich Maneuver, my dad went over to the living room and did it himself against the table. He spit the pill out and everyone just took a deep breathe. It's funny because now my mom says that she loosened it and that's how he spit the pill so easily. But we all know my dad did it himself.


Now that I'm older and understand this all better, and I took classes of how to proceed Heimlich Maneuver and CPR just in case something horrible happens. Someone choking, or drowning is one of my biggest fears. Not just long ago my dad had trouble breathing, I still don't know why but he did and this time, I was all alone with him. It was up to me to save him. I called 911 but just when the operator answered he started reacting and breathing again. Very weird huh?


I'm just very thankful that my dad is fine. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to spend more time with my dad, and make new memories. All I hope is that someday I get over this fear. Just someday.





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