My Love Never Dwindles

June 11, 2011
I see you here now, once again after so long. Everything is the same as it always was except for the few things I notice are different. Your teeth, your weight, your sense of reality. Though your here in front of me, you're not the same person I once knew those many, many years ago. I was so young then, not as smart and observant, but I say in my mind... "it must be me." Yet, looking past all these things, I still love you. Here, then, forever...no matter what changed in outer appearance, I would always be yours.

When you speak things don't seem so clear. I'm confused, scared, worried...unsure about what I'm hearing. You tell me to come close so you can whisper something in my ear, as if someone else could hear your fearful thoughts in the empty car. You tell me someones waiting in the dark shadows of the night. You say they hurt you, and only you can see them.

I worry about you and what you do so long when your alone. You talk of death and I cant listen. I don't want to hear of such things I never want to happen, yet know to be inevitable. You tell me not to fear and not to worry, that God is on your side. You say that it is He who protects you from "them".

I sit back silently, not knowing what to say. You tell me they are in the car sitting with us, silently... until one hits you in the head. A shadow of evil that's ominous presence never leaves your side. And yet, with all this talk, I still love you. My fear only grows, my love never dwindles.
Then one day our talks end because you see me as the enemy. You think I have betrayed you and therefore, can no longer be trusted. Time repeats itself and again you hurt me unknowingly, and I am silent. The only difference is that this time, I am not that little girl.

I'm older, you might say wiser. You continue to tell me those strange things, not seeming true, yet, not far from reality. When it comes to you, I don't know what to write. I ponder on how to start, what to say, how to end. Then night comes and we're alone again.

You tell me you prayed, not only for the good in life, but something that catches me off guard. You tell me something I never thought you would say to me. You tell me that one day I'll have to choose between good and evil, God and the devil.

You make it seem so twisted with words, tangled in some other meaning that remains hidden. You ask me questions and I answer, but those answers are not good enough for you. Not that there's anything to be proven, but only things I've always thought would make you really love me, not look at me with such disproving eyes as if you despise me.

I cant fathom what you tell me, because I know in my heart what you say could never possibly happen. Yet you still tell me you see things, the future, and in it you see what you think I will become. You tell me what you hope has not already happened, and yes, it hurts me.

Here alone with you, I'm once again confused, hurt, and worried about who you are. I see you from the corner of my eye, looking me up and down as if I'm the horrible person you claim me to be, as if I've done something against you.

Then, I think about how somehow all my life I've been fighting for me to feel a constant love from you. I think about how since I can remember, you have always treated me different, never showing me the love I know that I deserve.

And yet as time goes on, I still love you. You will always possess a part of me I can never explain. The part that searches for the lost love I've always wanted from you, but never received.





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be_lie_ve said...
Jun. 20, 2011 at 3:05 pm

That's really deep. You're a great writer, and should continue.

I love the flow of your words. Can't wait to read more!

 
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