i am sitting in a quiet room thinking what will happen to my loved ones. as my life starts theirs starts to slip away leaving me behind. most of you have been to a hospitial its quiet, bright, smells funny, and is expencive. but as im sitting here wondering what will happen next my mind starts to drift back to the days when i was younger and so were they, back when they could think better and talk in a simple conversation with me. a couple of mounths before i was in this dark but bright room i wasnt thinking of death or losing anybody. but i keep finding myself back here like a magnet pulled to metal. the first time i was here with you i didnt think much about it just chest pains not a big deal right? after the first couple of week of returning i still thought it was no big deal. then my mother told you had lunge cancer my only thoughts were nothing, i had no feels about what she had told me i knew that you was a fighter and you would win this batle you always won every battle. it only brings me back to think will you win this one i dont know anymore. i know tat we all get old and we all die but when we die do we have to rip out everything everybody with remember us for or can we just drift away knowing that people wont shed a tear for us. i didnt think i would shed a tear for you when you pased but now that i now the end might be close for you my heart sobs just knowing you might be gone soon. when you die i will miss the way you rubbed your "wiskers" on my face the day after you shaved, or the way you would pertend to take a bit of my food when i was eating just to make me smile. i could go on and on about the things you did to impact my life but i think the most powerful oone of all is you loved me grandpa you loved me with everything you had. i just cant posiably think of letting you go now. i will dread the day you pass and never let you fade away in my memory. i love you grandpa, and i know you love me too.
if love is lost what do we have
March 9, 2011