A Girl Needs A Mom

February 18, 2011
By , Los Angeles, CA
Well, it all started in the Fall, on Thursday, November 11, 2010. It was pretty windy and really cold that evening, when I took the subway to 7th and Civic to get a gift for my best friend, Jessica, for her birthday. Even though I didn’t have any money, I had a gift card for Victoria’s Secret , that I got on my fifteenth birthday, . I was so excited to get Jessica a perfume that she had really wanted.

From the mall, I took the subway to Pico, to take the bus to Pico and Union. I meant to get to Jessica’s house early, because Jessica is having a birthday party !

“Hola!” I called out to Jessica’s parents with my loud voice.

“Hello! You’re early!” Jessica’s mom called back.

“Yeah, I wanted to say Happy Birthday to Jess early, and to help you out.”

“No, esta bien. She’s upstairs. Go on up.”

When I went upstairs to Jessica’s room I gave her and her sister, Mely, a big hug, saying happy birthday to Jessica. We were just fixing ourselves up for her dinner party , Jessica was planning to wear a nice ebony dress and Mely was putting make-up on I was adding more eyeliner to have that dark raccoon eye look. We were talking about what was going on in our lives. Jess had funny news in school, and Mely was excited about her boyfriend coming. They asked if I’d gotten my photos back from my quinceanera . Knowing how much I love photography, but I said not yet. Jess and Mely were a little disappointed that I hadn’t brought my camera that night, but I’d been afraid to lose it at the party. Jessica opened her gift and loved it. Because it was her birthday, I even gave her my bracelet. In fancy writing it said, “The Only Exception.”

Everybody in Jessica’s family was going to the party, even my mom. Downstairs you could smell Jessica's mother cooking some good posole. She stopped what she was doing to put on some Mexican music . Whoa, Ranchero! You could hear the music on the other side of the block! We pushed the table away while her mom pulled the chairs aside so that everyone could dance. A blue siren light was spinning next to the computer, flying across the walls like streaks of lightning.

We all went to the backyard to have our kick back and we all suddenly sang happy birthday to Jessica, laughing like no lie! Then we made a bonfire because it was really cold that night. Mely and her boyfriend were going to the store to buy candles and some snacks. I decided to go along with them. Since my mom wasn’t there yet, I whispered in Jessica’s ear that I was going with Mely and I would be back. All day long ,I had been texting and my phone was about to die, so I couldn’t pick up any calls. Mely’s dad picked us up from the store to go back to the house.

The first second I came out from that car door, I just heard my mother yelling with her loud and scary voice. “Come over here right now!”

I slowly walked towards her, knowing trouble was on the way. My mother had her serious killer look on. Then she just slapped the crap out of me and started to yell at me saying, “Why didn’t you answer the f***ing phone!”

I cried,”It died on me!”

“You’re never going to come here again...!” She was mad because I left the house without permission and she thought we were out to the streets buying beer.





My face was made of stone, staring at the ground. My cheeks were numb and my eyes were watery. I ran to the restroom downstairs. Jessica, Mely ,and Yary all squished in with me. I was crying my eyes out. How could she do this on my best friend’s birthday? I was so scared that I wasn't going to ever see Jessica again. She is more than a best friend, like a sister that I never had. My real sister doesn’t care about me. She ran away from home at fifteen with her boyfriend and didn’t look back.

Meanwhile, the party had to go on, and I wasn’t going to let my emotions ruin Jessica’s birthday. Time to cut the cake. Mely called everyone in to sing “Happy Birthday”. Jessica looked gorgeous with her long, light brown , beautiful hair and blonde extensions, those amazing huge hazel yellow eyes of hers and her soft skin, white as snow . Her voice has this energy that brings a smile to your face. She will end up saying some random stuff and we will always laugh with our epic faces!

Jessica and everybody hugged me to try to cheer me up and I went to the backyard of Jessica ‘s house, because we didn’t wanted to stay inside in the party with the elders. Meanwhile, my mom was in the living room, staring at me with her serious face.

“What’s going to happen to us?” I asked Jessica. I was crying on her shoulder. For all of middle school we’d been together and I just didn’t want to lose my best friend of four years.

“Nicole, wifey” Jessica said (she calls me that because we’re practically sister), “Trust me, you’re going to end up coming back, just don’t worry. My mom’s gonna talk to your mom.”

I felt shocked because my mom was acting weird about something so small. I didn’t do anything wrong because usually walking to the store with my friends doesn’t make her mad. So I couldn’t understand her behavior. Then I remembered what I smelled on her breath when she yelled at me, just before the slap, a deep minty alcohol smell . The smell always gave me goosebumps because I hate the smell of alcohol.

I was thinking in my head to be patient so I could come back to Jessica’s house again. I wiped my tears and I had a big headache. I believed what Jessica was saying and hoped that everything was going to be ok. It was late so we all went to sleep, but sleeping was hard because of the dancing downstairs and the darkness in the room.

My mom called a taxi to pick us up at Jessica ‘s house to take us home at 1:00 a.m. The next morning she gave me a serious face, told me not to talk to her and made me clean the whole house. I was grounded and I couldn’t go out with my friends.She took my phone for a day. She also took Jessica away from me because its was my punishment.

The next day at school, I could not stop thinking about what happen. My dad told me it was going to be OK and he would talk to my mom, even though he doesn’t like talking to her because they are divorced and don’t get along. My Advisory teacher knew something was wrong and kept asking me if I was OK. I was drawing and writing on my hand. I wrote Jessica’s name deeply in my skin on my hand, showing my emotions. All these feelings came out. I was depressed. I’m not close to anyone at my school and she was the only one I could talk to.

People think I’m weird because of the way I act when I’m sad, just not talking at all. I’m barely a freshman, starting a new school, I hardly know anyone. It was hard because friends come and go, and it’s hard to find a true friend. I didn’t just want to give Jessica's friendship away because friends come . When I went home that day my mom wouldn’t talk to me. My mother gave me attitude staring at me with her with deep dark eyes, mixed with a ring of blue, like the way a stove lights up. That blue flame is dangerous.

My mom would ask what was wrong, but she knew. She would look at me liked I killed someone, I couldn’t just be in the house. She would told me that Jessica was a traitor because she was mad that I would only tell Jessica things and not her. I tried to keep my emotions in, but they just came out. I would cry all the time.

The first week , at home being grounded I just sat on the computer, looking through pictures of me and Jessica. We mostly do everything together and we are honest with each other because I had nothing to hide from her .I never had a real sister to talk about my problems to; that’s are really close .Our crazy sleepovers are so much fun because we will be talking about school, boys, love life, funny moments , family problems ! Hours just talking about this and we go down stair eat like cows.! or end up just fixing ourselves to make our photo shoots. We like to pretend I am the photographer and Jessica is the model in her room. Trust, we do the craziest random stuff!

Three weeks went by with out Jessica . It felt like three years of jail. My dad yelled at my mom because I don’t have a happy family, and that I needed more attention from my own mom. After that argument my mom called Jessica and her mom to apologize for not bringing me to her house for so long. I got good grades, showed her my best behavior and , stopped talking back. I showed her that I wouldn’t go out and I would stay home cleaning the house and doing my homework. The next day, I asked my mother for permission to sleep over at Jessica’sand she said yes.I was surprised that she trusted me again. I was so happy!

Everything is peaceful now, but in that past year, things were so bad. I always talked back to my brother and my mom. Since I changed my attitude, things are a little different. 8:00 a.m after I ‘m just sit on the soft beige couch with the small olive green pillows and shot cups glass staring at me with the Voka bottle;alcohol bottles as well. I start cleaning. I clean all morning on the weekends, and after school I have to do laundry and clean my closet. I got used to remembering what I have to do to survive in this household. My reward is to have the weekends with Jessica.

Maybe my mom still doesn't make my brother clean or do anything around the house, but now I don’t talk back, I just do it because he pays more rent then all of us and I am a young lady who needs to clean around the house two hours a day. That’s what my mother keeps telling me. She doesn’t explain why, but I already know why. I think it’s about respect. I don’t really talk to my mom though, because I don’t think she understands what I’m going through. She’s always busy being with her friends, drinking.

I don’t talk to my mother about her problems with alcohol because she ends up yelling at me or ignoring me. That’s why I spend most of my time at my neighbors house. I let her have her alone time with her drink. She is always in the house drinking, and I feel like she makes me do the work because she’s lazy. Sometimes she makes me use my savings to pay for things she doesn’t need, especially because she only works on the weekends. My mom work in downtown selling fifteen dresses because my family owns a lot of shops their .All of this makes me feel stressed. I don’t think she knows a lot about talking out problems. She thinks everything a joke about me. This makes me feel lonely, I’m always by myself. She feels jealous because I don’t tell her anything, but I don’t think so.I feel like the only child because having older siblings and I’m the smallest one of all , it’s pretty lonely. I just want to have a good life with no drama at all! I like mostly doing my own independent errands, and I like being with Jessica. She knows how to communicate.

Right now my mom isn’t ready to get help for herself. But sooner or later, she’s going to realize that she needs it. She’s going to realize that I’m not the one being inresponsible, she is. Since she won’t let me go to see a counselor, because she doesn’t trust anyone, for now I share my problems with Jessica. I want my mom to be healthy and sober. I want to see the mom without drinking. She would have more quality time for me. I always wanted my mom to be my best friend. I hope one day in the future we will be able to have a relationship. Until then, I’m under her roof. But I can still keep my grades up, finishing my chores, being a good friend, focusing on photography, and showing my mom what a good daughter she really has. I just want to see someday her giving up the alcohol for her lovely daughter .





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