I look down and my eyes get wide. I see the blood running from my wrist to my elbow, I want to get up and wipe it away but I cant, my body wont move. I try to make it but for some reason everything feels numb, almost like I’m being put to sleep getting ready for surgery. But then it goes away, for a little I feel better I guess? Its not really that I feel better its that for a couple minutes I can make the pain physical and let it out even though its being let out on my self at least its not being held inside. But then after that first couple of minutes the numb feeling goes away then the good feeling, and all at once the emotions come back. All the pain I felt before. All the hurt feelings I had, everything that I was trying to get rid of came back and I couldn’t figure out why? I thought that this could take it away; I thought I wouldn’t have this pain anymore.

But guess what? It didn’t happen nothing went away; I was still alone, still empty. The places were my heart was supposed to be is just a black hole. I don’t know if it will ever be filled with a heart again but it could, maybe I can get over my feeling and actually be happy, be able to do what I want to do and not have to worry about any one but my self! Wouldn’t that be a great day.