Now and Then

January 26, 2011
It has already been ten years since I have been in what is now known as my second home, Shuang Wen School. These days, I’m an anxious 8th grader waiting to graduate, and ready to end an old chapter and open up a new page to the story of my life. I’m ready to take on new challenges, chase my goals, and live up to the fullest moment that life has to offer. The problem is, I have a hard time letting go of what is soon to be my past. This whole school and all these people are basically what I have known for all my life, and everybody knows that it’s never easy to start over again, especially when you feel that there is no need at all to change anything.

When I had first been enrolled in this school, I had very low expectations. I was afraid of making new friends because I was afraid of being judged, I was afraid of showing teachers all the stuff that I didn’t know, I was afraid to fail. My years at Shuang Wen has by far exceeded my expectations because I realized that here, even though people might tease you or scold you, making you feel as if you have no worth at all.These actions are all harmless, most coming with good intentions. As the years passed, I’ve learned to let my guard down and actually start to put trust into people. I started learning that it’s okay to show people where you have been wrong, because one important reason for having friends is reassurance. Friends reassure you and help you realize how to improve from your mistakes, because it’s only so hard for all of us to take a step back and realize what we’re becoming. I am proud to say that I really have made some great friends at Shuang Wen, and even though I don’t show it, I’m really grateful for meeting all these people. I think what these people at Shuang Wen including all the teachers and the principal have taught me is to not be afraid to speak out for what you believe in. They have taught me to stand up for myself and to just go for whatever I want,putting my fear after me. Because just like the 32nd president stated” the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” I think that the most important lesson that I have learned from all of this was to be appreciative and to never take anything for granted. I’ve had a wonderful time in all of this, and it’s sad to see everything coming to an end. It’s not everyday that you get memories to keep that will always be engraved into your mind.

This year, we are going to be going our separate ways, and that means saying goodbye, which is never easy for anybody. How do you say goodbye to friends that have always had your back? How do you say goodbye to a past that has made you who you are today? The answer is, you don’t. We will never have to say goodbye as long as we don’t want to, as long as we still have the moments in front of us. Right now, I look upon my past and wish that I had not taken my time for granted, I wish that I would’ve lived everyday like my last if I knew that the ending was going to be so painful. But to tell you the truth, I have no regrets, not one little aspect of it at all. If I have regrets, that means that I have not learned from my mistakes, and I should be able to own up to everything in my life. I sit here in my kitchen right now writing this essay,telling myself not to be scared,that being afraid shows vulnerability and that showing vulnerability is a bad thing when you’ve had to fight for all your life. But then I realized, it’s okay to be scared, because that mean’s that I still have something to lose in my life, and that’s everything and everyone that has made me so happy and appreciative. I am never going to forget this part of my soon to be past and I would trade nothing in the world to forget all of this. If I was asked to go to a Shuang Wen reunion, I would accept in a heartbeat.

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