Last year I struggled on the edge of sanity. I had wallowed so deeply in self hatred and paranoia I was sure everyone hated me. I thought I had nothing left, I was spiraling downward farther and farther going deeper and deeper. My mind was running too fast for comfort and I was driving my self insane. I thought it was only a matter of time before the school had me committed to the asylum. And sure enough they did. I made a mistake. I said something I shouldn’t have and I was banned from school until I had a mental “check up” at maine med. from then on I tried harder to resist my innermost fears and desires for utter solitude. so, I played soft ball and tried not to separate my self from the rest of the group. and I failed somewhat. I again said something I shouldn’t have and ended up split from the rest of the team. I was yelled at, a lot. not by the coach, but by all of her friends, even those who didn’t play softball. After many more miss speakings by the end of the year I was once again near death’s door and at the edge of sanity. But then when it was just about to fall apart, school ended and I was back at camp with friends that love me and encourage me. And now I am in the realm of sanity. This was my struggle.
January 10, 2011