One last nap

January 6, 2011
I sat in the hallway and gazed at her while she slept through the cracked door.
I wondered if she was dreaming, or maybe she was awake with her eyes closed.
I stood up to open her bed room door it didn’t creak it just brushed across the carpet.
I then took my first steps into what I didn’t know would be a moment that I would cherish in my heart forever .I walked over to her bed and sat on the stool, it was quiet and kind of peaceful in a way. The only sound in the room was her soft breathing.
Then she awoke and whispered “oh I didn’t know you were here”. “Yeah I’ve been here since this morning” I said. Then she motioned for me to climb in bed beside her. I walked over to the other side of the bed and did as she asked. Did you make your bed this morning? She asked. “Yes, M’am I answered. Even on her death bed she was still making sure things were clean. She had always been a very clean person who liked order. She then began to drift back off to sleep. I laid there in the silence. I started to think about all the fun memories I had of her and how soon they were all I’d have.
I began to cry. The first thing you learn when a family member has cancer is to try to not be sad or cry around them. Emotional anxiety can affect the results of the cancer treatment or in our case quicken the dyeing process. So I quickly attempted to wipe my tears afraid that she would turn over and see me. She aroused and whispered “try to keep still” you keep waking me up”. I lied as still as I possibly could. I listened to her soft snoring. Her demulcent breaths lulled me into a peaceful state of mind; A place where only she and I were residents. Where we could live together forever and she never had to leave.
I began to think about the times when my cousin, brother, sister and I were little; and we would watch the California Raisins. We would sing and dance as we watched it and some times Grandma Lewis would chime in. Our favorite song was Tutti fruity. Her living room was small but we didn’t care it was the perfect size dance floor for us. Then she would go in the kitchen and cook us what ever meal it was time for. She would always make our favorite witch was basically what ever she cooked. Those were good times.
As I laid there reminiscing my dad came in to get me for work. But I didn’t move I didn’t even look up at him or say a word. He quietly closed the door back; nothing was going to interrupt this moment. Then I started thinking of the girl’s beach trip to Myrtle Beach trip. My mom, Grandma Lewis, sister, cousin and I all took a trip down to Myrtle Beach. We went to Broadway at the beach and we had so much fun even though we didn’t buy a lot. We played spoons one of our favorite family card games. Grandma Lewis wasn’t the kind of Grandma that let you win either; she was very competitive. She even baked her famous chess pie cookies which were the most delicious things I swear I’ve ever tasted. She loved the beach; the room we stayed in had an ocean front balcony.
She would sit out there and sip her coffee and read her bible. She loved the ocean that’s why we scattered her ashes over a pier in Charleston.

So I’m lying in the bed still trying to be as still as I possibly can; and I can’t help but to think of life without her and her wisdom, strength and encouragement. I wondered about how I would cope without her. Not much happened after that, later that evening she talked to the rest of my family. Then she died the following Thursday. That last nap with her is a memory I will cherish in my heart forever. Her memory I will forever cherish.
I’ll always remember her smile, how much she loved purple, her ministry, god and even more how much she loved me.

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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

AndieCat said...
Jan. 22, 2011 at 11:08 am
This is amazing. The imagery is great, i was able too imagine in my mind everything that was happening. I'm so sorry for your loss. this memoir was great. Goodjob!
Dejavoo13579 replied...
Jan. 23, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Thank you please tell others to read, rate and comment
smon2017 said...
Jan. 12, 2011 at 1:14 pm
really deep your description and emotion brings out true feelings wish i had a similar skill
mirandarouse,(: said...
Jan. 11, 2011 at 9:50 pm
I'm sorry for your lose. If my grandmother died today, I would probably lie down and cry for a week and not get up. But life has to go on. She always tells me that when she dies she doesn't want me to cry all the time, she wants me to carry on with my life and be happy. You need to be happy too. Don't cry because she's gone, smile at the good memories and fun times you had, and mostly smile because you know you will see her one day.
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