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In Honor of Alex

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Today was a bad day. One of those days when it seems like everything is wrong, and nothing is right. And it got me thinking about those days that make you feel like it'd be really nice to just never ever have to deal with anything again.

No matter what you do, or how you try to change, bad things keep happening. Over and over. And when stuff like that is continuous, even good things are overshadowed. It's hard to see light when you keep falling over cliffs in the dark. Small disappointments and problems turn fierce, and large issues are monsters. Nothing is relative, everything hurts.

Even if you know everything's gonna be okay, it doesn't help. You feel every loss, every heartache, every brushoff, every pinprick of pain. To anyone outside your mind, this all seems like an overreaction. But on the inside it's a nightmare you'd die to wake up from. 

When you feel like your world is f***ed up forever, wanting to end it is a choice many have taken. And one I've thought about. But whenever I do think about ending the bad days forever, I start to think about Alex.

Alex, 16 and beautiful. A member of my dog club- a talented one at that. She seemed to have lots of friends, and nothing appeared wrong. Until one day, Alex took her own life. I guess a lot had happened no one really knew about, as she felt so alone and hopeless to want to leave forever.

So Alex is the reason why that even on the worst days, when I feel so alone, scared and sad, I remember to carry on. She ended her life because of a lot of horrible days, and took with it all the good days of the future. 

On a days like today, I think of Alex. I know we all have to keep pounding down those dark days, because in the future there are lots of good ones. We’ve got to get to the light days and live them for the amazing people who never got the chance.

I love you Alex, rest in peace<3



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SkyLane said...
Jan. 4, 2011 at 5:48 pm

thank you very much!

i agree. gotta keep your head up and a smile on your face! (:

 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 4, 2011 at 2:19 pm

You are a great writer and don't worry, many people feel the same way you do. I know I did. 

But you are better then that. What Alex did was horrible and she should have told a friend or her parents what she was feeling.  You can't let it get to you.

Keep writing, and just know I understand what you feel !  

 
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