I Smiled and Said OK

December 16, 2010
By Anonymous

I havent seen my father in five years, roughly. He wasnt the greatest person in the world but he is still my dad and he took care of me when i was younger. I can admit that he was an alcoholic and a drug adict. my mom thought she could change him, well help him in a sense. she couldn't, his addiction was to strong. Last spring i was in the store and i ran into my uncle and dads mom. Now, i dont call her my grandma because she was never there for me and she never was faund of my mom. My uncle came over to me gave me a hug and sayed i have turned out to be a beautiful girl while my grandma stood at a distance. She didnt even want to admit that i look remotely like my father.

"Wheres my father?" I asked in a concerned voice.

My uncle looked down, took a pause and slowly lifted his head up. he stared at me and said

"Hes in the hospital."

i was speachless.


"He fell down the stairs while he was drunk."

I knew this would happen, the alcohol was slowly killing him. Although at the time i havent seen him in four years, he was still my father and i loved him.

When i think of him from time to time, i try to think of all the good memories we had, all the times we went to Rhode Island, the car rides and the long walks. After i start to think my brain floods with the bad, three memories come to mind.

I was about seven years young and me and my dad were taking a ride. It was full of smiles and laughter. we were singing along to the music on the radio. then he pulled into this drive way of this house that seemed like it hasnt been touched in years.

he sayed to me "Meghan, wait inside the car while I go grab something."

I smiled and said ok. He walked into the house nervous, like someone or something was watching for him. He stepped inside. I sat there humming twittling my thumbs and tapping my toes together. About ten minutes whent by and he finally came back outside with a paper bag, gripped tight in his fist. I didnt make anything of it at the age of seven. Then i found out it was a drug dealers house.

Me my dad and mom were all driving to the beach. I could tell we were close because i could feel the fresh salty air that hit my face ever so gently. I egerly started to jump up and down in my seat. Right when are tires hit the sand i opened my door. We grabbed our chairs,toels, shovels and buckets. I skipped down the wood path next to them. We sat in the warm sand with the sun warming our laughter.

"Im going to the food shack to get some food do you guys want anything?" why father asked.

"no i think were all good."

To pass time my mom and i went over to the board walk. we were enjoying ourselvs looking at all the animals and the bright green sea grass swaying in the wind.

"Meg, i think we should go back Sal is probably looking for us."

"Ok mommy."

We took one more look at the ocean and started walking to the car. We saw my dad from a distance. He finally apperied.

"I was looking for you two for a half an hour, get in the car!"

"Sal, are you ok? you dont seem you."

"Just get in the car!"

I over heard my mother whisper to herself

"Oh god hes drunk." She looked off into the distance and put her head down and her hands were trembeling.

"Sa...sal, do you want me to drive?"

"No! im perfectly fine"

As his bloodshot eyes got wider and his skin got red i got even more nervous. so my mom sat down in the seat trying not to start a fight. His hands were on the weel and he put the key inside the car. After driving for a short while we hit the highway and the driving meter started to reach 70 m.p.h.

"Sal stop it, your worring me and your daughter."

I was trying not to look worried but my mom could see the fear in my eyes.

"No ill do what i want, everyone is fine here."

"Sal stop your scaring your daughter."

"No im..." i let out a scream and the tears started to drip down my face.

"don't touch me!" as he patted my leg for reashurence.

"Sal, dont make me yell infront of our daughter, i will make you stop and take meghan out of the car and just to drop us off here. i dont want her getting hurt.

Just calm down its all going to be ok."

i was scared, worried,axious and tears were rolling down my red cheeks.i was looking around for a way out somehow, just to get me away from it all.

It was the fourth of july. my mom dropped me over my dads house to spend time with his side of the family. We were talking and eating spending time together. My dad had a couple of beers

"Meghan, im tired, im going to take a nap, come upstairs with me."

"Ok daddy"

So he slowly made his way up the stairs tripping over his own feet. He turned on the tv for me and right when he hit the bed he was knocked out. I didnt really notice at first because i was to buisy watching spongebob. I turned around to see my dad passed out on his bed. At first i thought he was dead so i listend to his breathing and heatbeat.

"dad, daddy wake up?" I whisperd and poked him, but he just wouldnt budge. Everyone was outside. I quietly walked around the room for some kind of phone or just anything to call my om to get me out of this hell. But the wierd thing is the part i remember mostly was sitting on the beigh shag carpet looking up at the dust drifting in the air passing me by like i was invisible and the sunlight from the tall window hit the glass trinkets sitting on the window pane, pouringon my face with the ray of colors. i was interupted with the sound of footsteps. It was my great grandmother coming up the stairs. She saw me sitting there with my dad passed out on the bed. She managed to wake him. He looked at her in discust and started to push her against the wall. She tryed to escape this abuse. She finally pushed her way out of his grip. She went down the stairs as fast as she could to call my mother and in minutes she was there waiting for me so i could finally escape the madness.

Now, i have just shared with you something most people dont know happened to me. i hope you don't look at me any differently than befor, its just been a story told.

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