The Letter I Will Never Send

By , Markham, Canada
Dear Scott,

For months I’ve been hopelessly trying to muster the courage to tell you something that seems to ceaselessly occupy my thoughts…

I miss you.

I have been denying it not only to my friends and family, but even to myself. Perhaps because it hurts to admit, perhaps because I have convinced myself that denying it will make it go away. But then… when I think about it, how could I possibly not miss you? I loved you Scott; you meant more to me than I can even express.

Every time I see you I smile and feign indifference, but inside I can’t help but miss the love we shared. Do I regret the fact that our relationship ended? No. It truly was for the best, despite the pain and emptiness it caused. Do I have regrets? Yes. There are so many things I wish I had done differently –– you were always so honest with me, I wish I had returned the same honesty to you. I wish that just once, I’d had the courage to look into your fearless eyes and tell you that being with you made me happier than I ever thought possible.

But… I never did tell you that. I took you for granted, and that is my biggest regret of all. It was not until after you were gone that I realized how special you are, and how much our love meant to me. It consumed me. I wish I had been able to fully appreciate it while we were together; but nonetheless I am thankful for everything you taught me.

You showed me how to be myself, regardless of what others thought. You show me how special I am; you made me feel beautiful. I learned so much from you, and you honestly changed who I am. Even though I am no longer with you, I still keep with me the confidence you helped me find, and I have learned from the mistakes I made in our relationship.

Since we went our independent ways, I have moved forward… yet I cannot help but to look back. There are days when I question if breaking up was the right thing to do, but I know that it was meant to be that way. Falling in love with you was so easy; it just happened… while breaking up with you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

As time passed, the hurt I felt gradually faded and the memories of us began to blur. There is so much that reminds me of you, which used to be the cause of sadness and pain, but now makes me smile when I remember the precious times we shared. Being with you brought me so much joy, and I am grateful to have had someone as incredible as you play such a significant role in my life.

Thank you for everything.

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