Two Words

Two words. Two small words sit at the back of my mind. Everytime I think of you, these words pound in my head, they reverberate to the point of forcing me to say them aloud. Im sorry. Such a commonly used phrase that it can seem menial and insincere at times. I say im sorry various times during my day, but those words are not the same two in my head…your words. Saying im sorry to you isn’t merely apologizing, its me trying to erase all memory of you with those two words. Its never going to happen, but ill keep trying. I didn’t do anything wrong. I chant that phrase to myself in order not to completely regret my decision. Everyone has assured me countless times that it was the right thing to do. Then why do I keep saying im sorry? Why do I regret what I let happen? Why do I constantly feel that I let you down? These questions may go unanswered for a long time. I can never ask you if I did indeed make a mistake, did the wrong thing, if I hurt you…no, no I cant even remotely entertain the idea that I hurt you, because that notion paralyzes me with overwhelming regret and more sadness than I can handle.

For myself and no one else, I refuse to believe that I gave up on you, on what could have been. I finally accepted the inevitable, what everyone had been warning me about all along, but that I refused to believe until recently. However, until the day comes that I will be able to rest easy with my decision and not constantly worry about it, I will say im sorry to you daily. You cant hear me, and I know that if you did you wouldn’t understand why im so upset, but its all I can do to keep the haunting memories at bay, and find a way to let us both move on.





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