Love Without Touch

June 4, 2010
By , Tulsa, OK
I’m in love, but it isn’t some fairytale romance. He doesn’t make me swoon whenever we kiss. Our bodies don’t fit together just right. His touch doesn’t make me feel safe. I wish we had these things, but we’ve never met in real life. Honestly…we got together on the internet. Please don’t judge me. My tale is becoming a more common one. Teenage love isn’t just found in homeroom anymore.

Please believe that I love him. I know typical relationships have to be physical, or at least visual, but his voice is what makes me swoon. Talking to him after a hard day, a good day, any day is what is just right. The sentences he says make me feel safe.

When I was little I thought I’d fall in love with the perfect guy, and I have, but I always thought I’d get to kiss that guy, to see that guy tons, to get the full high school romance experience. I am crying as I write this. It sounds poetic and nice to want a guy so badly that I cry. It sounds kind of romantic. It may be those things, but it is terrible too.

I have no one to cry to. My best friend is out of town, my other friend hates my boyfriend, my mom doesn’t know he exists-let alone that we’re dating, my boyfriend is…well he’s busy-we’ll talk later, so I cry to you, dear teen ink reader. By the time you read this, who knows where he and I will be. Maybe we’ll break up, I sure hope not. Maybe we’ll find a way to really meet each other, I doubt it. Maybe as you’re reading this we’re on the phone, talking.

Talking is nice. I know him. Some couples make out so much they never talk. We talk dirty sometimes, and a lot of our talk is random, but some of it is so personal. He knows me so well. We’re lucky in that way. It hurts worse that we know each other so well though, it makes me need him more. I’m tired of talking. I want kissing, and more.

Is it so wrong to be a…well…horny teenager? I mean come on. The media is full of them. But if you’re a real girl and you have sex, well it’s wrong and you’re a s***. That’s stupid. I love my boyfriend and yes we plan to have sex before marriage. It’s our choice, no judgments needed, thanks. I want him now. Let’s be honest, each day I wait for…well *that* with him, I feel incomplete. You probably think it’s just the horny teenager bit but, while that plays in, it’s love. It’s wanting to show our love to each other. How can that be a wrong thing for anyone to want, whether they met in homeroom, on the internet, or anywhere else?

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This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

Leann13 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 7, 2010 at 7:20 pm
hmmm.... i really dont know what to say. though i get where u are coming from. i will keep my opinions to myself though because i am young and inexperienced and really dont have a place to say my thoughts in your life. it sounds like u are really truly in love with him... so i dont blame u.... but it is my personal belief that it is better to be abstinent. but thats just me i dont want to offend u or anything. i am happy for u that u love him. y does ur friend hate him? and i would tell ur mom b... (more »)
ZER0 said...
Jun. 10, 2010 at 10:07 am
Well i have learned alot about you by what you wrote. and i have never met or seen you since we it was over the INTERNET but i love you and want to sleep with you. LOL LOL LOL
TheAnonymousAuthor replied...
Sept. 27, 2010 at 11:25 pm
Jeez. You are so imature. Please think before you write.
annonymus said...
Jun. 10, 2010 at 10:00 am
TheAnonymousAuthor replied...
Sept. 27, 2010 at 11:27 pm
Please don't be a jerk.
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