Learning What is not Taught

May 17, 2010
By , North Richland Hills, TX
High school is all about learning; learning about yourself, learning how to communicate, learning how to cope with what life throws at you; learning the lessons that are never taught. The past few years have been full of learning, and not just academics, but about life and what the world is all about.

I used to be this girl, this little girl who did nothing for herself, and had no self confidence. I did not believe I was worth anything, did not believe that I was beautiful from the inside and out. I was the girl who enjoyed blending into the background, being a silent leader and someone that just went with the flow of things. My goal was not to walk into high school and make a big deal out of four years that essentially meant nothing other than getting a piece of paper. My goal was to keep my head down, do my work, blend in, and just “live” my life avoiding all the drama and the “hormone high”. Ultimately, I wanted a high school life that had no challenges or risks in fear of being hurt and taken advantage of. However it all seemed to change as my sophomore year began. I started to be the girl who did not always hide within others shadows; the girl who would share her opinion occasionally; the girl who created stronger bonds with her friends and started to build bonds with her teachers; I started to become the girl that I never wanted to be.

People were starting to leave my life, and when they left, they brought this huge patch of sunlight to replace the void they left. My parents started to become more concentrated on me. My teachers started to see my work as something that was unique and different. In general, I started to draw a little more attention to myself and started to create an identity for myself, not just blending into the background.

The bond between my friends is what made me change within my own body. The stronger the bond between us became, the stronger I became. My best friend was the one who taught me that if I didn’t believe in myself then no one would. She was the girl who had all the answers to my questions, but she never had answers for herself. We both changed this year, but I grew stronger and more confident when she started to break down and hit rock bottom. I learned how to comfort her in her time of mourning. I learned what it was like to feel so helpless while waiting for her to come to me. Through her break downs, she allowed me to change, to become more independent, and to become more grounded and confident in my beliefs. Not only did she force me to change within myself, she helped be able to communicate with her. She made me understand the importance of friendship and the effect they have on others. With my best friend, I could see that while our communication had grown, we were still like little kids. We could not put a coherent thought together, or put our emotions into words for each other to understand. We tried to understand each other better, and at some points we succeeded, but there were times where it seemed like we were just babies with the inability to speak. When she hit rock bottom and left me, she forced me to understand that even though our bonds grew and our communication became better, there are some things that cannot be solved; questions with no answers; certain thoughts that cannot be talked out nor can they be forgotten.

With her hitting rock bottom, I had to find a new solace; I had to find a new way of communicating. I formed new bonds with new people. The bond that formed between my teachers made the biggest impact and change within me. These bonds made me obligated to tell the truth, to tell the secrets that I kept for only myself. The secrets that I was able to tell someone made me realize that I had feelings that really did matter to me. My teacher was able to make me feel like no matter how trivial or complex my problems were, I could always find solace and always have someone to talk to. While talking to him, I learned how to communicate my feelings, my desires, and my concerns. At first, all the communication that we had was based on a child’s language, but now; now I am able to put together a coherent thought together to make myself more understandable. I have changed from the child he knew in my sophomore year to a young adult that is able to make her thoughts cohesive. It was like he took me from childhood and walked me into adulthood. He was able to make me see that there were other ways out of the pain of problems than just by physical means. He made it possible for me to settle into a sense of peace inside of myself that I had never known to exist. He gave me a sense of purpose and direction as the bond between us grew into my junior year. He showed me that the life that I lead was something more than just grades and trying to gain peoples approval. He taught me the un-teachable lesson; the lesson of living life for just yourself. This man illustrated for me that life was too short to worry about what others thought about you. I was cable of seeing after a time that he was right. I could only live my life for me, and that no matter what my expectation was of myself, I could never be a disappointment to anyone. This man took my hand, walked with me through everything, and somewhere in the middle of it, he let go of me, and I could stand on my own. He took me as a child and walked with me till I was ready to cope with everything in my life, and eventually, he let me go.

The past few years have been nothing but learning about me and what makes me the person I am. The bonds that I formed in high school have allowed for me to grow in ways that I never thought possible. I walked into Birdville as a child and people took me by the hand and lead me, but eventually, they all let me go to walk on my own. I have changed and I have grown to become more a tune to what I personally want and to communicate my feelings in a way that everyone can understand and through all of that, I have learned how to cope with whatever this life throws at me.





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