May 12, 2010
His skin was strong and hot against mine. Everywhere he touched left trails of fire. I curled into and let the down comforter surround our bodies. He was holding my face then kissing my cheek when it hit me, I was downright crazy about this boy and there was no escaping that. He had been sick lately and I felt so horrible. There really was nothing more I could do except continue to get him food and water and medicine. He laid there quietly against my body. His breathing evened out and I assumed he’d drifted to sleep before me. His voice startled me when he whispered into my ear
“I need you.” The sound wasn’t urgent or scared. I knew he didn’t mean temporarily or immediately. He meant generally. This realization had me tangled and twisted in little knots of terror and joy. He had never said that before. He wasn’t someone who needed anyone. I wasn’t sure if I had heard him right at all.
“ Can you say that again?” I looked into his eyes hoping he wouldn’t deny me this.
“I need you.” His slow and calm voice matched the peace in his eyes.
My voice was not going to work. That was certain. My throat made a strange humming sound as if in pure joy and contentment. His arms wrapped themselves around me. I was still trembling with excitement at his last statement when he breathed to speak again. I could feel the rise of his chest bringing him closer to my face. I could smell him perfectly, completely absorbed by it and the moment I hardly heard him say,
“I’ll miss you so much.” I knew he meant this summer. I would miss him too. More than he knew. More than I could tell him. More than I wanted to admit. I wasn’t ready to feel that empty pain. Everytime he leaves the room it hurts. I feel it. How was I supposed to deal with that for three months?
“I’ll miss you too.” My voice broke and I tried my best not to throw myself on top of him and force him to stay with me for the better part of forever.
“You make me so happy.” His giant hands were wrapped around my face and tangled in my hair while he kissed my forehead and buried his face into the dark curls that hung from his fingertips. I couldn’t think strait. He was never this nice; never this open. With as much as I needed him and wanted him I thought it was stupid to even tell him he made me happy. That didn’t even come close to describing how he made me feel. Happy? Yeah I suppose but it was so much more than that. I realized he must be waiting for me to say something so I said the only thing I could think of.
“ditto” It didn’t say anything at all. It gave away almost nothing. It sounded casual which was extremely ironic considering every feeling I had for him was everything but casual. It was intense and passionate and severe; probably irrevocable and not to mention completely unreciprocated. I was falling in love with this boy who hardly knew if he liked me. I didn’t care though, I just continued to bury myself into his body and his steady breathing and all I knew was that he smelt familiar and felt warm and that was enough to make me want him forever.

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