May 12, 2010
His smell was overwhelming. I couldn’t breathe right or think. My head spun as I tried to twist up to meet his eyes. I cowered back when I finally got a look at his face. It was more torn than I would have liked. I had been laying against his chest for only moments but it was long enough for him to start thinking of things that were never good for me. he caught me staring and tried to rearrange his features to calm me. Neither of us wanted to fight again tonight.
“penny for your thoughts?” keep it light. Smile. I don’t think I fooled him. He started to sit up knocking me off of him. I straitened up trying to hide the look of rejection that I was sure was plain on my face.
“Please don’t start tonight jess, I’m not in the mood.” He picked up the remote control and turned up the movie. I sighed and relaxed into the couch.
“ I don’t want to start anything baby I just want to make sure your okay.” I was getting better at lying. I must have picked it up from him. He eyed me suspiciously and shrugged. Just then his phone went off. It was closer to me then him and I watched in horror as he panicked internally. Why didn’t he want me to read whatever that was. I reached for the phone and flipped it open only to see Dee dee written across the top. Oh that was why. My stomach lurched and acid instantly filled my mouth. My head swam and I dropped the phone without even reading the text. That was by far one of the worst three seconds of my entire life.
He reached down to pick up the phone and stuff it deep into his pockets. He looked at me and reached toward me. I couldn’t even move to stop him. I felt myself shake with rage. My cheeks reddened and I flared. There was a fire in my throat. I don’t know what made my voice so calm, the acid, or the past angry feeling.
“I thought you two didn’t talk anymore.” His hand grasped my arm tighter as he watched me control myself.
“she just texted me, who knows.” It amazed me that he tried to lie when we both knew the truth far too well.
“oh okay.” I let him win this time. It wasn’t worth it. I must have been biting my lip because the taste in my mouth began to resemble iron and salt. His hand touched the red to attempt to relax my face. I held very still. Afraid that if I moved even a little my control would break and I would fly off the handle. I waited and so did he. Finally once I was certain that I wasn’t going to commit a murder that night I untangled my arms from his hold. “I forgot I have homework. I should go do it. call me later.” My voice was so strangled I almost couldn’t recognize it. I bent down to kiss him gently and saw the blood on his lips that had rubbed off from mine. His eyes were cautious waiting for me to explode. I don’t honestly remember the drive home that night. Just the dark and his incapacitating smell that lingered on my clothes.

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