Gone but not forgotten

May 12, 2010
Time came to a stop, my heart skipped a beat
the blood rushing to my face, my body shaking in
the chair, my mind trying to process what I had just
heard, word by word, letter for letter. My eyes closed
trying to convince myself that it was all untrue. But
the more I kept telling myself that it wasn’t true
the more a began to realize that I was only fooling
myself. And I couldn’t even do that. I knew that
he was gone. Everyone said that they knew that
the time would come sooner or later. But I guess
I never figured… the when and where part would come
so soon.

I tried to keep it together as much as I could…but
he was gone and I knew it. I wouldn’t see him in
the halls of school anymore…he would never see
the summer of 2010. He would never see his 10th
Birthday…his first year in high school….wouldn’t
be able to graduate from Tri-Valley..wouldn’t go
on to bigger and better things. But mostly he would
never get the chance to be a regular kid. He never got
the chance to enjoy what we have had our entire lives
to enjoy.

You know after having this happen today I realize that
there is more to life than what we as people see. That
there s a heaven and a hell… there is good and evil.
That things happen that we can’t explain. Innocent good
people die for reasons that twist our minds with confusion
when we try to figure them out. And after thinking and crying
a lot, I realize that what my parents and teachers told me today
about him were right.He has no more pain, no longer suffering.
Because after all his years of going through
this he has a chance to be a normal kid. A kid that god meant for
him to be. Because when I cry it’s not for him it’s for me…his family..
and the others he touched. And I hope that all of the other people that
knew him miss him just as much as I do now. Because he is gone from
my life but never forgotten in my heart…and I hope that is true for everyone
that knew and loved him. I know that right now he’s up there with god.
Hopefully getting to experience the things he never did down here.
Never forgotten
After seeing him go through what he did
I’ve learned to be grateful for what I have.
All of the things that I’ve gotten to experience.
That the 16 years I’ve had here on earth is a blessing.
Because just like that life can change.
Because after this I will move on in life I will live
to see my next birthday. Because Raymond is
the one kid that should be remembered for the things
he went through how his sprit was like joy on a child’s
face during Christmas. Because after having this happen
I have a new life motto that I will try to see through
until I am no longer here. A message that I believe Raymond
tried to get everyone to see. Life is a blessing each and every
day. If I’m here and still breathing it’s the best day of my life.
And without a little pain in life we could never understand the
true joy of living.

As I think back to today… I realize that how selfish I must have
been in the few hours to ask for little Raymond back. Because given
the choice of having him back here on earth suffering like he has
for years, or having him up in heaven with god. I choose the second
choice. Because he deserves to be free of pain… to be a normal kid.
And everyone I have talked to today has said the same thing “ he’s not
suffering anymore…I know that doesn’t make you feel better” but when
ive heard them say that it does make me feel better. Because I know all
of them are right. I would rather have pain for missing him. Because the pain
will eventually dull, but even still he is gone but never forgotten in the hearts
and minds of everyone. Because in heaven there is no pain… and in heaven I know
that’s where Raymond is. Because Raymond left us today…but he will never be forgotten
in the minds of everyone that knew and loved him.
Gone …today but never forgotten…

“Our fingerprints we make do not disappear from the lives we have touched”
Life is a blessing each and every day. If I’m here and still breathing it’s the
best day of my life.”

Join the Discussion

This article has 7 comments. Post your own now!

star8089 said...
May 21, 2010 at 11:21 pm
well i haven't ever lost like a young relative, but i did recently lose an older relative. iv been thru alot this year like in 2010 that iv never had to deal with before and i was getting upset this afternoon while looking back over 2010 so far, so i was just on teenink looking for some inspiration under peoples true life stories and i read urs 
MaKayla1513 replied...
May 22, 2010 at 8:28 am
Good im glad it helped ...the way I look at life is that "crap" happens and it is what you make of it. "You can let it ruin your life ..or you can choose to accept it and move no.  was going through this  But that doesn't mean we have to like it." My princpal told me that when I kept playing the "What if" game. And after he told me that about a billion times I realize that he is sooo right. I have to let Raymond go..but I don't have to forgett him. I think you should do the s... (more »)
MaKayla1513 replied...
May 22, 2010 at 8:35 am
Well im glad it helped. That's part of the reason why I write. The way I look at it is like this "crap" happens. "You can let it ruin the rest of your life..or you can choose to accept it. But that doesn't mean we have to like it." my principal told me that when I was playing the "what if" game. He only had to tell me that about a billion times before I realized he was sooo right! And I think you have to do the same thing.  Because if Raymond is free from pain and happy than I'm happ... (more »)
star8089 said...
May 21, 2010 at 6:27 pm
im so sorry about the loss of this obviously loved lively little boy that must have been a big part of your world. you are accepting it well and i have really been changed by ur post about how we are somewhat selfish to aks for the loved one who has passd to be with us and still suffering. thank-you, and i am mourning with you.
MaKayla1513 replied...
May 21, 2010 at 9:34 pm
Yes this little boy was a big part of my world and what I have overcome and achieved this year. My principal was vey helpful too at this time. I've known him for 3 years now and it was nice to have someone to talk to...because he understands me and is just an amaing guy and I'm glad that I have had the chance to know him better. After Raymond's death it was hard. But my principal was always there. It helps when you have a person like I have had my principal by my side at this moment of time. But... (more »)
star8089 replied...
May 21, 2010 at 10:13 pm
well im glad that you had someone to talk to, good for you. yes im sure he will be missed and that his legacy will live on in everyone who knew him forever.
MaKayla1513 replied...
May 21, 2010 at 10:27 pm
I can only hope it will. So what was your connection with this story? How did it relate to you?
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