Cameras and Your Soul

May 7, 2010
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In today's world, technology is constantly changing from a new paperclip to an improvement in hospital machinery. Technology is significant in everyone's life since it rapidly changes what is in the market and lets people improve the way they live so that they can focus on the really important factors in life... some new innovations of technology are evil like cameras because they steal your soul.
A camera is a device that is widely believed to take “pictures”. In reality what these pictures are a visual representation of a person’s, plant’s, or inanimate objects (yes objects have souls to) stolen souls that the owner can look at for they know who souls they have stolen.

As the story goes Swiss scientist Johann Zootenberg in 1913 created the first camera, which was very ugly and large, to steal the soul of a local dealer of used Ford Model T’s because of a bad deal. Unfortunately he was unable to steal the man’s soul since it is now know that used car salesman have no soul (see 1996 movie Matilda for example). (Camera)

With the modernization of soul stealing technology, soul stealing has become ever more popular. With new digital cameras that support large memory cards (digital way to store stolen souls) people can now steal hundreds of thousands of souls in a matter of days. This explains why the world is becoming such a negative place since most people have little to no souls left.

Camera safety is very important, never point a camera at anyone’s head or chest since this will result in a loss of soul, if it is your intent to steal a person’s soul then do point at the camera directly at them. Also never point a camera at a mirror. If you are using a film camera a paradox will occur and the camera and user will explode. If you are using a digital camera and take a picture of a mirror a different effect will happen, the user will instantly appear on Facebook or Myspace looking like a moron. (Camera)

Exposure time, aperture, and ISO all affect the effect cameras will have on a person’s soul. Exposure time is the amount of time the shutter is open, long exposure time means more of a person’s soul is stolen. It is possible to steal all of a person’s soul in one picture; this would require the use of a tripod. If you see a tripod run! The aperture is the size of the opening that allows the soul through. The larger the aperture the easier it is for a soul to go into a camera. A high ISO lets you capture the souls of athletes, if you are not an athlete the ISO means nothing to you. (Camera)

Last are the different types of cameras.

Instant cameras- Popular for quick soul stealing, not reusable and cheap

Camera phone- A device used for someone can steal a person’s soul and then share the news with others

Box Camera- Used to steal the souls of boxes

Pin-Hole Camera- Early form of stealing someone’s soul, takes one shot at a time.

Single Lens Reflex Cameras- Cameras for high quality soul stealing

Digital Single Lens Reflex Cameras- Same as Single Lens Reflex Cameras except digital so can steal many more souls

Others- There are many other cameras out there! One camera has eight lenses so it takes eight shots at once for max soul stealing.
In the end everyone should be aware of the dangers of cameras and how they WILL STEAL YOUR SOUL! If you do not want to end up like Tiger Woods, Lil’ Wayne, and Lindsey Lohan do not get in the view of cameras too often, and hopefully in the future our souls will become safe from the peril and risk of cameras.

Works Cited
"Camera - , the Content-free Encyclopedia." Uncyclopedia. Web. 07 May 2010. <>.

The author's comments:
I decided to write this piece after googling popular soul stealing techniques to get back at one of my so called friends. I discovered that cameras are an excellent way to steal someones soul and decided to write an article to help explain to others the popular "art" of soul stealing.

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