A "Small" Life Changing Decision.

May 10, 2010
It was an early morning on February 14,2009 that I seen my life change right in front of my eyes.I just seen everything flash and drastically change.I had an expression of shock across my face.A blank mind and a shocked soul.I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.In my mind I didn’t want to believe that it was true.I kept saying to myself “i’m only 15;this can’t be happening to me”.But me repeatedly speaking those words was not going to change the fact that the pregnancy test that I just had taken was positive.I kept thinking and asking myself what was I going to do.

As a teen in todays society you always have this strange feeling that this of such nature couldn’t happen to you.In my mind I would sometimes think that those small decisions in life were not a big deal when in fact those small decisions could change my life drastically.I kept thinking that I was too smart to allow myself to become pregnant;too smart to even go out and have unprotected sexually intercourse and not use protection with all of the diseases and infections that linger around.Just like that I could have had AIDs Or HIV.I began to pace.I didn’t know if I should have called the father or kept it to myself.I was in so much shock that I couldn’t even think straight.

An hour went by.I finally built up the courage to call the young man that I had intercourse with.I mainly didn’t want to tell him because I knew in my heart that he wasn’t mature enough to handle a situation like the present.I swallowed hard and I told him the news. “I’m pregnant” .There was a sudden pause on the phone line.For a minute I thought that he hung up until he said “what are we going to do?” I replied “I don’t know”.In my mind I knew that abortion or adoption was not a choice for me nor a choice that I could live with.I could tell in his voice that he wasn't ready to be a father.But I also knew for a fact that I wasn't ready to be a mother.

Him and I had only been dating for about 7 months when I had found out I was pregnant.You may think that I would have known that he was immature way before this situation approached.But you always try to give a person the benefit of the doubt.I always tried not to judge a book by it’s cover.In my mind I kept thinking what was I going to do?;are we going to stay together?;how am I going to tell my family.As time went on my birthday came and went.I was now 16 and 4 months pregnant.I had to tell my parents.Some way , some how.I was starting to “show”.Day in and day out my stomach began to grow and I couldn’t stand to keep trying to hide the truth.I sat down and told my mother the news.She began to cry.She than started to worry because she thought that I hadn’t seen a doctor since I found out that I was pregnant.But I had.I felt even worst because I was sneaking around behind her back in order to do so.I then began to cry myself because I knew that I had hurt my mother deeply.I could tell by the expression on her face that she was disappointed in the choice that I had made.

As time went on and my stomach began to grow larger , my boyfriend and I began to have more and more problems.Once he realized I had decided to keep my baby with or without him by my side he chose to depart from the relationship.I no longer had his mental support nor did I ever have it to began with.Spring came and went and so did summer.I went into the hospital On October 11 ,2009 and I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl on October 12 ,2009.She weighed 6 pounds and 12 ounces.I named her Victoria Nicole.Victoria was apart of her grandmothers name and Nicole is my middle name.I wanted her to have a strong name that had a strong positive meaning behind it.I always believed that he father was immature and it showed and stood out when he didn’t come to the hospital when I gave birth.For him to be older than I was I always had to be the smarter one , the wiser one , the more mature.

My daughter is now 7 months and to this day her father hasn’t helped me at all but that’s okay.She has a loving and caring family right here with or with him.I gave up my teenage years for my beautiful baby girl. I left regular schooling and switched to homeschooling.I babysit so I can have the money I need to support her until I can find a better job.It’s difficult to do so in todays economy.While everyone is preparing for prom i’m preparing for my future and working hard to get stable and get on my own two feet.But I don't regret any of what I have been threw.It made me become a stronger young lady.I learned a life lesson though, the “small decisions” in life can be a life changing experience.Becoming a mother at 16 changed my out look on many different aspected and I now realize that I have to not only work hard for myself but I have to work twice as hard for my baby girl.

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