I'm in Love with My Best Friend

April 27, 2010
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The title says it all, doesn’t it? I’ve known him for a year. From the first time I saw him, dancing at a teen dance in the summer, I knew he was special. It would only be over the next couple of months that I found out how much so. I don’t have many best friends who are guys. In fact, he’s the only one. I had a six-day relationship with some other guy that consisted mostly of making out. I’ve never gone out with him, though he knew that I liked him when we first started talking. He thought it was just a summer crush, and it was… But it evolved into something much deeper back in January. I am in love with him, the person that he is. I know that, even when I date other guys, I will always be thinking of him. His smile, his body, his voice… His persona. I’ve never been in love before, but… That doesn’t matter. Maybe I don’t recognize what true love is. Maybe I do. The only thing that matters is that I think I do. Every time we joke and laugh, I just want to hug him and never let go. He’s handsome, funny, polite, a gentleman… And just good. All girls know that guy that they might end up holding out for their entire life. That is him. I’ve had an idea of what kind of boy I want to get involved with, and he is the one. The way my heart feels for him is not strong, butterfly, infatuated love. It is a slow, deep, powerful thing. How many months worth of time have I spent wondering, talking about, or thinking about him? But that isn’t what hurts the most. It’s that he has a girlfriend. Not just some flavor-of-the-month girl, but one who he has been with for eight months. It hurts whenever I see them walking together, holding hands. I turn away, and pretend I didn’t notice it. I hope that I can tell him one day, how I feel. I’d tell him now, if I wasn’t the type of girl who respects and doesn’t want to screw up his relationship. I know that he loves her, and that he does not return my feelings. In my fantasy, he grows closer with me… And I truly become his best friend. He sings to me in his angel’s voice my favorite song. But… I don’t see him breaking up with his girlfriend for me. And it’s my fantasy, so isn’t that the way it’s supposed to go? No, because I already know why it doesn’t happen. In my dreams, I want him to be happy more than anything else, and if he happy with her, than how can I wish for something that would change that? I can’t, and I hope that one day- however far away it might be- that he falls in love with me, too, and we can be happy together.

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Kathy.N said...
May 16, 2010 at 4:28 pm

this is truly heart breaking. i've gone through this -and i still am- and its really rough. but maybe one hopefully things will work out for you. you sound like someone who deserves better though. if he cant tell that he belongs with you than hes missing out on something truly great =]


btw GREAT written piece<33

DeeJay replied...
May 19, 2010 at 3:47 am
thankyou very much... i appreciate it!
Lynette said...
May 14, 2010 at 9:51 pm
I understand you....i didn't check the date on this but.....it's a thing that happens i guess....this is beautiful and wonderful of you to share
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