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All Alone

Although I find myself in the center of the “crowd,” now, I never was before. Not many people realize that to become “one” of “them”, you have to change yourself, or put on an act for the rest of the world to see. Nobody remembers, or wants to remember the type of person I was few years ago. Especially me. I don’t want to remember that dorky, nerdy kid, but I can’t forget it. Back then public school was new to me. I didn’t know what it was like. I didn’t know that there was such cruelty in this world. What a surprise that was. But I was in a way happier then. I was happier because back then, that was who I was. That was who I knew well. That was the person I wanted to be. But now, anybody would expect me to like being popular, but I don’t. I don’t know who I really am anymore. I feel more lost then I used to feel. I feel lost within my own self. I’m tired of the mask I have to put on at school. I want to be who I was before, but I can’t. The mask seems to have been glued to my expressionless face.

Don’t let me trick you; I’m not one of those really popular kids. When I say popular, I mean popular in the way I see popular. I see it as having reliable friends, and I have that, and that much I like. I like having friends that I can lean back on, and having people that support me. But when I seem to be having a really good time with my friends, I’m not. I’m still pretending. I’m also not one of those kids who pick on others; in school I’m cockier. I put on this attitude that makes it look like I don’t care when someone insults me. But really inside, I’m crying, or shouting curses at everybody I hate, or just feeling alone. Maybe that’s why I’m so good at lying. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to make me cry. Maybe that’s all it is. Maybe I have already wrapped up my real self in a ball, and stored it away someplace. I want it back…



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This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

BMW99 said...
May 11, 2010 at 9:30 pm
Hey, it's okay.  You don't have to hide yourself to have friends you can rely upon, just be yourself.  Seriously.  I agree with Catherine, you'll be popular amung us, don't ever forget that.
 
Senga123This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 11, 2010 at 9:32 pm
Wait who is this?
 
BMW99 replied...
May 11, 2010 at 9:39 pm
Bailey, come on! Bailey M. Wlmit?  Sorry :)
 
HUBBY 2001 said...
Apr. 9, 2010 at 6:52 pm

i understand completely :)

and you're very popular among us, my love <3 

continue being awesome~!!

 
Senga123This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 9, 2010 at 6:53 pm
Thanks Catherine.... your overdoing it in a way..... but I know you only mean well, i think...... 
 
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