Growing up thinking life would be easy and everything would be handed to me made me a little unprepared for the world to came. I was born on July6, 1994 to become the first generation African girl from my family. When I was born everyone told me that I looked like a little baby angle but little did anyone know how crazy my life would be. For some reason I’ve always had great memory, like for example I can remember being one or two years old an my older brother accidently dropped me and that some day I could member my brother getting the beating of his life. Another example is when I went to sea world and wishing I could do all those funny tricks that sham mo did and after that I had me first real traditional Ethiopian dinner. That day I felt that I was on cloud nine. I can still see my brothers faces eating the superb diner. When I turned five was when my whole started to fall down and extremely fast. My parents got divorced and my brothers ran away from home all made me feel like it was my fault and why wouldn’t it. I could still remember the day my mom told me that my dad said “throw me and my little brother away” which still haunts me every day. Being burned was another way my life started to fall down. I was five and ignored everything my mom was telling me about jumping on the couch and accidently fell and burnt my arm. I still remember the crying, screaming and the rush to get me to a doctor. But even through all the bad times I was still able to have some happy moments. For example when I went to Disney for the first time meeting Mickey Mouse which scared me half to death at first but after him giving me a lollipop I feel in love with him and know he is one of my favorite cartoon characters. Also the first time I heard, it was a Tupac song and since then I’ve always loved his music even though he is dead. Sometimes it felt like after every good thing that would happen something bad would follow. When I was seven my life got even more complicated by adding stress to it. I assume it all started when my parts decided to put me in their business. My dad had used me and my older brother to make my mom allow him to stay with use. To this day I still regret that decision. Plus when I was eight or nine my mom and dad tried to make me choose between one another. The faces they made haunts my dreams when I get any. I guess that’s the reason why I turned out the way I did, always trying not to disappoint anyone in my life. The thing I hate about those days were that at that time I had goal stone and no one cared about how I felt or was feeling. After a will I was not just sad but started to rebel against my family and ways. Thinking about all the stupid and childish things I did like stealing, back talking everyone, and almost fighting over nonsense like boys and gossips. I can still see the depressed faces of those little kids that I stole from and from that day one I behaved. At ten I started to be depressed and had to put a mask on my so people did know how I felt. I started to feel like I was all alone but not really. I never let anyone really truly get to know me because I never really trust anyone. I guess this started when I hit my head on two poles and no one really or truly care that much. I started think about killing myself and death a whole lot and even though I shouldn’t have I still did. Even throw all that I still had some happy time, like when I had my thirteen birthday and went to Tampa and visited my older brother that I haven’t seen in an extremely long time. Also when I went to Africa to visit my family. I enjoyed it because I was able to visit family members that I’ve never meet and I was able to try new and unique food. Now I am fifteen and have gone through so many rough times. I still think about death everyday but trying to make everyone special. I can remember listening to a Tupac song and at the end it said “through every dark night theirs a bright day after, so no matter how hard it can get stick your chest out, keep your head up and handle it” and ever since that day I’ve been trying to live by that momentum. My life has its ups and downs but its mines and I wouldn’t change it for anything!!
March 25, 2010