February 26, 2010
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I’m wondering when this rollercoaster ride va a terminar. They say that after a bad moment always comes a good and what has a beginning has an end, but I don’t want that end to be mi muerte. It’s the only ride you go on that you didn’t get to choose if you wanted to go aboard. Although this feels like a rollercoaster ride it does not have those same sensational feelings of one. It’s a dangerous ride cuando te sientes fuera de lugar. I have my head on straight like you have a seatbelt and straps. The similarity is that I don’t feel secure.
I’ll admit when I’m going up its moments of excitement and wonder. The feel of the wind blowing through my hair is like the calmness and comfort of momentos con familia. Stomach excitements are like the feel of seeing my crush in the hall wondering what could become of us. Happy moment I’ve had with people que alguna ves ame. Which now become memories yet this ride is not over. When I’m at the top I feel like I can’t breathe because I know that I’m going up just to go down faster then I reached the peak. I think that’s why I don’t really enjoy being at the climax because during those moments I’m too worried about how this will change in to dolor. I figure if I don’t have too much fun and my expectations aren’t too high the pain won’t be so unbearable.
Nervousness and anxiety is felt when I’m going down and about to wreck. Then it’s a sudden idleness. During that moment there might not be any more bumps for awhile. If anything only a couple rattles and shakes but mainly relaxation. Then comes the tunnel, the black hole in life that comes every so often. It’s dark and cramped, y viene de repente, usually after a high peak. A time where it seems that I can’t see the light. There have been a couple tunnels, but this one seems longer than the rest. This tunnel makes me blind y se siente como uno de los peores.
I’m not sure how much longer this ride will continue and I’m still in this tunnel. I know that I will soon be at the tip and continue the cycle again till the end, which I believe will come soon and all the bad will end. It seems like a blur for now but these bumpy tracks will turn to a smooth airplane drifts. Entonces encontrare esa calmedad y felicidad que estado esperando.

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