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They All Hate Me

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“You have received a 2 out of 5 star rating.” “Your article has 0 comments.” The cold words are flat on the screen. I sigh and lean backward onto the hard wood of the study hall bleachers.

I’m a loser, eh? I think as I silently glare at all the students whose hate for me floats invisible over all our heads. I especially glare at the girl five feet to my right who is flirting with the guy I love. He’s flirting right back, too. He hates me. He hates my friends.

They all hate me. That girl who tells me how ugly I am in the locker room. That girl who rolls her eyes at all the right answers I feed her in algebra. That girl who used to be friends with me, but abandoned me when she realized how nerdy I was. Those students; they all hate me. My friends are merely backup; the kindest girls in the school who thought they might do me a charitable favor, but all secretly hate me.

They all hate me. Even when I escaped into writing, the thing I love, and was brave enough to share it online, no one sees it. I thought I had a talent: me, the ugly nerdy useless girl- but I thought I had something. The ugly, nerdy, useless girl who was talented at writing? No. Much, much more talented writers ignore the novel I’ve worked so hard on; the novel I’ve spent hours on, the novel I’ve grown to love. If they don’t ignore it, they do a charitable service to give it a sadly truthful and truthfully low rating, or mumble a ‘Cool’ or ‘Nice’.

And yet I still sit up at nights, music deemed uncool blasting from my speakers, hunched over my laptop, battling my antagonists and cheering on my main characters. Sometimes I know that they all hate me; I know I’m all alone. I picture the world on my shoulders- and then I picture myself lifting it into the air. All those standing below me, those who hated me, staring as they drop their own tiny loads. I am not alone. So my classmates hate me, so my crush hates me, so the entire online writing community hates me. I have my characters. And they will help me lift the world.





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This article has 6 comments. Post your own now!

Crank THAT BASS said...
Feb. 24, 2015 at 2:52 pm
I see this now, years later, and @M_IML ... You are right, it's hard to get noticed but you know what I think.. This article is still vibrant and AMAZING! :) Near 4 years later and I read this, so you know what... You are loved by many and if you think about it, your classmates may be rude now but a nerd secret; the ones that are popular now are going to be working for your multi-billion dollar company someday.. in fact. calling you their boss. We
 
M_IML This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 19, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Great piece. Again - like in the other things I've read by you - there's a lot of powerful, compacted emotion in your writing; it's a great strength. 

I know how yo feel about the "entire online writing community" hating you; there are so many people on TeenInk that it's really hard to get noticed, and what does get noticed isn't usually the best out there (just saying. not trying to offend anyone). For example, this article - which you say you wrote quickly, maybe without polish ... (more »)

 
Eman_Neercs This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 18, 2010 at 2:00 pm
Wow. This is pretty powerful. If you let emotion like this pour out of you, how could you ever write a "bad" article? And I wouldn't take the thing about the novel too personally; lots of writers get rejected over and over before they ever get published. Something will give if you just keep writing like you say you do. And who knows? Maybe someday there will be a guy who loves you back, and friends that encourage your talent.
 
abbey92 said...
May 10, 2010 at 9:38 pm

this is nice and cool...

jp. i really like it, i feel the same way alot also. just rember in 10 years you'lll have a high paying job and a great wrighting gig the will be stuck asking "would you like fryes with that'

ps. rember that dr.suse got turned down 52 (ish) times befor anyone would publish one of his boks, and look how famouse he got and the grl who wrote harry potter waited 10 years or so befor the very first book was published and she at leat a million air so... (more »)

 
Lola_Sveroski said...
Feb. 26, 2010 at 8:58 pm
I really do enjoy your work. You manage to perfectly capture the essence of exactly how you are feeling and put it into words. Bottles brilliance, if you ask me. And something not many people can achieve.
 
magic-esi This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Feb. 27, 2010 at 7:51 am
Thank you! It's nice to get replies to my work. I wrote this pretty quickly, but I'm glad that you liked it.
 
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