My Precious Angel Part One

January 13, 2010
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“Kids, I have something to tell you.” I looked into my dad’s eyes. The anguish and brokenness in them crushed my heart. I knew what was coming, even before he spoke the words. “Um…” he looked at a spot on the floor near his foot. “Last night, Lacey died.”

My lower lip quivered. No! Not Lacey! Not the baby cousin I adore! Lace couldn’t be…dead. She couldn’t! Lacey was alive, she had to be! A single tear slid down my face. Not because of sadness, but because of anger. I thought it was just a cruel joke. Anger built up in my soul. I stuffed my head into my hands. I refused to believe what he had just informed me, my brother, and my mother.

My dad led me and my brother to his car. I vowed to myself that nothing could make me believe that my Lacey was gone. She isn’t gone! Wait till you see her! Wait until you see her playing on the living room floor of Aunt Karen’s house! Wait until you witness the scene of Lacey playing on top of her blanket with her toys! I chided my mind for trying to think logic. It tried to tell my heart that Lacey was gone. My heart guarded itself, not wanting to believe anything other than Lacey, either in the arms of Grandma or in the arms of her mother. She was only sixteen months old! God must have been delirious to take that little baby from us! She didn’t do anything wrong!

Matthew, Lacey’s little brother, played with Lacey, whom was placed on my lap. Lacey, just out of the blue, clutched her big brother’s nose and he cried out for Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen ran into the room and picked Lacey up from my arms. I saw Uncle Scott entering the room with a sparkle in his eyes as he took in the scene. The happy scene played out in front of my eyes. It looked like a scene from a movie.

I saw the sparkle of life in that little girl’s eyes. I saw the love and adoration on the faces of those around her. Looking at her reminded me of myself. She reminded me of the fact that we both have been through life and death situations. Even though these situations occurred, we made it through. We made it through the fire and came out stronger and happier on the other side.

As I looked down on her beautiful, glowing face, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with joy. When I looked into those bright hazel eyes, I saw a great sense of life and excitement there. I kissed that little angel on the forehead and reluctantly gave her up to her mother when it was time to leave.

“Belle,” my dad brought me back to earth from my trance as he opened my door and called me. “Belle, we’re here, my dad updated me softly. I looked up and saw that we were at my aunt’s house. Shoving passed my dad as I fumbled up the front porch steps, I tripped about half way up but I never noticed. I had to get into Aunt Karen’s house and prove my dad wrong. Stubborn and disbelieving, I was determined to show…

I stopped dead in my tracks to find my aunt and uncle’s house was peculiarly dark. When my aunt entered the dark living room to find me standing there alone, she came to me. I ran to her and flung my arms around her middle. Suddenly, the truth became inevitable to me. My shoulders shook as my sobs escaped me. Lacey was gone.

The realization hit me hard. I felt as though someone had socked me in the gut with a crow bar. The pain hit me with full force. I never noticed when my brother and dad entered the house. Aunt Karen was speaking encouraging words to me, but I never noticed. I’m sure she was trying to convince herself, along with me.

My tears never stopped streaming down my face that night. I let go of my aunt’s middle and trudged to Lacey’s room. I kept the light off as I dropped into Lacey’s rocking chair. I sat there alone for I don’t know how long. I sat there asking God “Why?” Why did You decide to take our Lacey away from us? What right did You think You have to take her away from us? Why would You think it is okay to leave this family distraught and confused and completely miserable?

Ejecting from the chair, I walked towards Lacey’s crib. Beside it stood an oxygen tank, there was no doubt in my mind that it was Lacey’s. In the first few months of her life, she had to use it, or else she would suffocate. She had an extra chromosome and she was born into the world with many medical issues. Later on in her short, lived life, she didn’t have to use it, unless she was asleep. In her sleep, she forgot to breathe. She needed the oxygen tank to assist her with that severe problem.





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