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You Will Always Be in My Heart

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Margo was probably the only person outside of my family that had such an immense impact on my life. She would keep me out of trouble discretely, not repeat my secrets I told her, and would bail me out of anything. Margo was someone I could also confide in and the best godmother I could ever ask for. I looked up to her my whole life until November, 2008.
I thought the day couldn’t get any worse; I had already failed my Algebra and Science tests, tripped in the middle of the hallway and dropped my textbooks, and I spilled on my brand new favorite pink shirt from Abercrombie at lunch. What else could possibly go wrong? Yet of course it began to pour cats and dogs while I was running out of basketball practice, I thought to myself as I was running, “Could this day get any worse?” I got into my mom’s silver Lexus and said, “Wow this was probably the worst day of my life.” Then I turned around to look at her and saw her crying hysterically. I remember thinking in my head, “Oh God, what now?” “What’s wrong?” I asked. “Dad and I have been putting off telling you this for the past three days, but someone very close to us has passed away,” she stated frigidly. “Who?” I asked, worried out of my mind. “Margo,” she answered. Instantly, I could feel my heart and stomach drop to my feet and my eyes begin to water. “What happened?” I asked almost in complete tears. “She committed suicide due to depression; she has tried two times before but this time she succeeded,” my mom said crying. At that point I had began to cry harder; I felt as if I had just fallen off two thousand foot cliff. I was in complete shock and dismay. My body almost felt numb after hearing that someone who I’ve looked up to my whole life did that to herself. It didn’t make sense to me though. Margo had hands down the perfect life that everyone wanted in Lafayette. Her husband of twenty-five remarkable years owned his own law firm, just opened a hotel in January, and was about to build another one in a year. Margo’s three kids were very well rounded; they were all top of their class, played sports, and two instruments each. I’m still to this day completely confused about what she had to be depressed about. When we got home, I immediately went to my room cried for hours. My heart ached and still does for what her family must have been going through. How do you tell your children that your mother kill herself?
Margo was almost like a second mother to me; she’s been there helping and guiding along side with my mother my whole life. She would always help me study for any upcoming tests, go to every single one of my basketball games, and she’s helped me through other hard times I’ve had to face. Her husband, my mom, my dad, and her have all been friends for the past twenty-seven years; they all met in college at the University of Louisiana. I began to look at old pictures from them in college and of our families on vacations to different locations. The one I remember the most was our trip to sunny California about two years ago. We had gone to Legoland and Disneyland. Both families had matching red shirts with black writing that said Legoland across them, everyone in the picture was smiling except me I wasn’t ready for the picture. I laughed, the next picture I saw was from the day her husband opened his law firm. It was a bright and beautiful April morning, my family had gone that day to support him; we all looked so happy in all the pictures, including Margo. Seeing her happiness once more made a single tear run down my left cheek. I think that’s the part I didn’t understand the most, was that she was such a joyful person that I never imagined her doing this to herself.
Four days later on a sunny, but depressing, Friday morning, I remember looking inside the enormous church and seeing everyone dressed in black to show their respect. When I looked and saw her husband and their children’s red puffy eyes weeping over her body, I thought I wasn’t going to able to handle going inside. I was thinking to myself, “I can’t do this, I don’t want to completely break down here. However, I need to try my best to stay strong for the children. C’mon Paige you can do it.” I thought this whole situation was completely overwhelming though. Before we walked into the church, my mom pulled me aside and started to talk to me about this whole thing. “I know today is going to be very hard for you, but I want you to know and believe that Margo is in a better place now. She wasn’t happy here on Earth and wanted to be with Jesus Christ,” my mom said sniffling her nose. “But I still don’t understand why she did it, she had the perfect life?” I questioned emotionless. My mom responded, “Even though it may seem like she had the perfect life and she was happy on the outside, doesn’t mean she actually was deep down inside her.” When we sat down I began to analyze over and over again what my mom had said to me. What she had told me was true and I could actually apply it to some situations that have happen in my life. In some way I am kind of similar to Margo, I’ve always gave this impression to everyone that my life is so perfect and everything, when the truth is it’s not. I’ve had so many people hurt me bad in the past, but I never want other people to know that I’m hurting.
It was an hour into the service and it was my turn to say my final goodbye to her. I was nervous out of my mind and had no idea what my final words to say to her should be. I began to think about how much I would miss her and some how I rummaged together, “I will never forget you or the memories we’ve shared, I love you, and you will always be in my heart no matter what.”





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