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Letter to a Future Date This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

Dear Whatever-Your-Name-Is, I'm writing this to convince myself that you're out there. I really hope you're out there. Please be out there. Right now I am 14 and the Amazing Non-Dating Girl of my middle school.

This is all my parents' doing. I am not allowed to think about guys (the horror!) until I finish college. And maybe a doctorate.

But if, by some miracle, you find me before my oh-so-imperative education has run its course, my mom has consented to let me bring you home for dinner. She will make lasagna and ask where you go to church. My dad will wear his clergy collar, bleached extra-white for the occasion, and carry a pair of nunchucks looped through his belt. He will drill you on math, so come prepared.

My twin brother might enter with pictures of me in my “braces and acne” stage a few years ago – but only if he's feeling protective. If he's feeling normal, he will try to sneak the bright yellow whoopee cushion he got in his Christmas stocking onto a chair. Please be aware of this upon entering the house. If you sit on it, he won't stop laughing until dinner.

My younger sister, Angie, will be examining your clothing with the scrutiny of a New York fashionista, so don't mix your prints. Devin … well, it depends whether he's mad at me today, and what kind of extinct animal he's currently studying. You might see him, you might not. If you do, please refrain from making fun of his bad haircut. It's a sensitive subject among 11-year-olds.

Dear Whatever-Your-Name-Is, I'm only slightly exaggerating. I might not have to finish a doctorate before I can date.

I hope I didn't scare you off. Please don't get scared off. I've prepared you the best I can.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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This article has 42 comments. Post your own now!

the keeper said...
Oct. 13, 2010 at 10:24 am
Funny..... BUT so TRUE!!! love it!!!
brokenheart 14 said...
Oct. 13, 2010 at 10:23 am
This is very touching and I like how you wrote a letter to this future Boyfriend of yours. Explaining what he might run into when he meets your family.
dr a said...
Oct. 13, 2010 at 10:18 am
it has amazing facts and great detail i also like how your writing to someone in the future but you dont know who.
thebushhippie said...
Aug. 23, 2010 at 10:04 am
I love how you wrote this in letter form! so funny, but true......keep writing!
CadyR said...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 3:03 pm
This was so good and so relateable! I think that everyone can relate to you to some extent and I think you did an amazing job with this piece! Keep writing!
moonpetal said...
Jul. 17, 2010 at 5:53 pm
I like it. Same here, poor future guy. XD Oh well right? I love the letter to hom-ever stuff I want to go write one :D
coinkedink said...
Jul. 16, 2010 at 9:52 pm
omg this is so much like my family you would not believe! i loved this and it's exactly what would happen if I brought home a guy. lol. keep writing!!
Incitata said...
Jul. 8, 2010 at 10:20 am
Awwh this is so cute!
Heathurrlovesyouu said...
Jul. 3, 2010 at 11:39 pm
This is really cute. I enjoyed it. :)
Antoniu C. said...
Jun. 25, 2010 at 11:49 am
This really reminds me of that childrens' boooks series with If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. The format's so alike: "If you...then...", and omg i love childrens' books. Don't stop writing or else I'll kill you and I don't want to have to do that 'cus your writing is beautiful.
renthead101 said...
Jun. 13, 2010 at 3:15 pm
this is great! 
Kenzie P. said...
Apr. 21, 2010 at 12:05 am
This is adorable! I love it :) Btw, I believe I met you on another literary magazine's website a long time ago (ooh what, maybe a year or two now?). They called me Paige there.
HannahM This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 4, 2010 at 9:46 pm
thanks for the compliments! and yes, I think we've "met" before, maybe on Cricket's website. Hey its good to hear from you again:)
pmkenziep replied...
Jun. 5, 2010 at 12:47 am
hahaha wow, I feel like a creeper for finding you here... And good job getting published in the magazine :)
HannahM This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 24, 2010 at 12:25 pm
haha your not a creeper! And thanks, I was so excited when I got published, except that I didn't exactly want my parents to see the article. They did. Fortunately they were proud enough of me that I didn't get in trouble;)
pmkenziep replied...
Jun. 27, 2010 at 5:09 am
haha oh I didn't even think of that. lol, I'd def get in trouble if my parents saw that I wrote something that even mentioned guys (they're like wicked paranoid). haha. Good that you didn't, though :)
TheAwesome said...
Apr. 17, 2010 at 10:45 am
I love this! It's so sweet and very clever!
StarlingChild This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 6, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Very cute! I love the creative twist you took to "communicate" with your future "date." Great job! You're a clever, funny writer!
Charlotte C. said...
Jan. 19, 2010 at 3:56 pm
I like the piece. It makes me laugh but is also really good. My favorite part is your comment on the article. I understand because I did the same thing in my memoir. I had to change the names. Keep writing!!!
Medieval_Maiden03 replied...
Apr. 9, 2010 at 7:40 pm
I really like this! It's kind of inspired me to write one of my own lol. Keep it up!
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