Here, gone and far away

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14 Years I have been on this earth, all of those years I have had my two big brothers right by my side, shielding me, keeping me secure. When someone is right by you all your life and makes you smile, how do you let them go?

I am a child of three, those other two are my big brothers, and when I say big I mean it! LOL. My two brothers are almost exactly a year apart; they follow each other’s footsteps one by one and always have each other’s backs. (Well, most of the time.) I am the straggler, 5 years younger, the only girl, and what my brothers like to call me is “Midge”. (Short for midget)
As a child I would love and hate them. We would snicker together at our mom and get mom mad. Other times my brothers and I would go outside on my neighbor’s dirt bikes and we would play death ball. (It doesn’t sound too fun by the name, but it is awesome!) We would be out there for hours driving around chasing each other laughing and it was all just so much fun. Then, the next minute my brothers would have that teenage attitude, and get mad at you for no reason, or the most stupid reason ever. In their minds, who is a better person to blame than little “Midge”(that’s me!) once again.
I got older and older each year, and wiser and smarter, and now know that to them, getting me mad was just so much fun. A game only my brothers could play on a sister. But I insisted it had to end. Now whenever that happens I am good and ignore it as much as possible. Sometimes I just want to smack them so hard but then that is exactly the reaction they are looking for!
“Jeff and terry let me in” I yelled, “Catie, if you don’t go away we are seriously going to hurt you” ~ These were the kind of conversations we used to have when they were sick of me, but all I wanted to do was hang out with them. They had each other and I wanted to join. Then… “DAD!!!!” the words came pouring out of my mouth almost like lava coming out of a volcano, howling! I could hear my heart thumping of pain. The scream coming out of my mouth echoed off of the walls of the house. I almost felt like I was all alone in my house screaming. I was in so much pain and I felt like I was in my own world alone, by myself, no one else there to help me, alone. There was so much sorrow in my brother’s faces when they knew what they had done to me. I could almost feel the shame in them as I was screeching.
Ever since that day, August 24th 2009 they have been gone, gone, gone. They come home to visit every now and then for holidays, but ever since then it has been mom, dad & I at home. There were so many moments in my life as a child, so many fun times like Nantucket every summer riding the waves, and surfing and having a blast with all of our cousins. My brothers would be right with me making sure I was ok in the rough surf. Teaching me how to body surf the right waves and to dive way under the waves that were too big. I love when they are right there for me. They also have a pick-up truck, and the best is when they are giving me a ride somewhere and I sit right in the middle of them. I feel so important, because it is the three of us together, no room for anyone else. Then there have been the bad times like when I get so mad at them I say something really bad and end up getting myself in trouble. But when I think of all those moments all together from the day I was born to that day they left, all I can think of is how much we really enjoy and love each other, and when their last words were:
“I love you and cannot wait to come back and see you.” That is when you know how much they care about you. All those horrible memories are loving deep down. They actually love me just as much as I love them. Sometimes you can’t tell how much you appreciate someone until they are gone.





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patback12 said...
Jan. 22, 2011 at 2:57 pm
this is probably the worst thing i have ever read
 
ckeegster replied...
Jan. 22, 2011 at 3:13 pm
well thats unfortunate because i got an A+
 
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