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A Letter To Friend Past

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Im smiling in the glow of the winter sun, soaking up it's spare light, basking in its fiery glory. The door to you is closed. And I am happy. I have memmorized you, everything about you. But I am done with you. Finally.
Sitting here, I am reminesscing about that time. Reliving the life I had when we were still... whatever we were. I realize, I was disalluded, loving, but not in love and I was wrong. Thinking you can help save someone from themselves is easy, wishing you could physically block them from themselves is easy. Being able to actually do so, thats something else.
For a while there, you had me fooled, but its easy to fool one who doesnt want to know. I think I knew, deep down I knew more than I was willing to admit. I knew there was more to see than the cocky arrogance you showed the world. You were hurting from a festering wound I couldn't see. Guess that was my error.
I could never fully understand your veiled allusions and comments. That's why you made them. To protect you from me, because I ,sadly, could hurt you. You let me in further than you intended. And you've learned that those closest to us, cut a little deeper. You said that you'd protect me from you, but you actually did the opposite. Left, shut me out.
Thinking about you, I used to cry. I dont cry much. It felt, your absence, like there was something wrong with me. I finally had your attention- the one person who I had literally wished on a star for , blew out the candles on a cake for. And I messed it up.
Now, a few months later, Im not so mad, or hurt. Well, Im not as mad. I realize that life's like that. It sometimes hurts and sometimes we dont get what we want and it isnt always our fault. I may have briefly loved you. I may have in my girlish, hopeful, naive dreams exalted you and your mystery.
Perhaps it is my fault. Perhaps it isnt. Only you know, and you're not likely to tell me anytime soon, its a part of the whole mystery-shielding affair isnt it?
Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I am okay. I dont regret that time and those long conversations. I dont regret loving you. I am not ashamed that I cried and that I loved you. I smile at the nostalgia skinny jeans have now earned at hot topic and the number 13. And the color orange. Oh and Lake George. You didnt know it because you never asked, but Lake George was the first place I went snowboarding at. Good memories, cold though. I digress, thanks for the memories and I wish you well.



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