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Memoirs of an Incurable Daddy’s Girl
He was my hero. When I closed my eyes and thought about those who saved the day. I did see Superman. I saw him, every time. He had a strength that could make me feel safe. I knew he would never hurt me, yell at me, or leash out at me.
He was my ever present protector.
When he held me there as a power in his arms that was uncontrollable and destructive but also loving and gentle.
He was always there when I needed him.
When I had nightmares he was there is chase away the demons. When I was in pain he was there to sooth it away. When I was alone he was my company. He was everything to me but most of all, He was my Daddy.
But things change.
He left; he just disappeared from my sight. No, I watched him leave. He is still around, I see him still but it’s not the same.
Now when I closed my eyes and try to imagine a hero, I don’t see him. I see nothing. I now fear his strength because I don’t know it anymore. I don’t know if it will hurt me or leash out at me.
Now when he holds me there isn’t power, there seems to be hesitation. I no longer feel safe in his arms.
He isn’t there like he used to be.
Now when I have nightmares I just lay in the dark and try to fight the demons myself, but I am no match for them. When I am in pain I have no choice by to drive through the agony. When I am lonely I have no company.
I use to be his everything too but now I don’t know what I am to him.
My Daddy left, no, my Daddy died. But I still see him, almost every Thursday. Only, I don’t see, hug, and say ‘I love you’ to my Daddy.
He is just my Father.