Who's the one to blame?

November 9, 2009
Once he blamed my worthless mother (his words, not mine) for the reasons why he’s been gone for seventeen years. Six months before my eighteenth birthday he tries to take charge, yeah okay, he can try.



Seventeen years and six kids later he remembers he had me first; I should have been there with him. But he was missing in action. So much for being father of the year, my mom has two other kids as well and she’s still single while he’s remarried and she’s a better mother, then he is a father to me. Is that being biased? Saying I think my mom’s better than my father, I mean she’s always been there.

They, my parents both blame each other, she says “he’s an a**hole, a bad father.” I think he’s just trying to get into as much girl’s pants as he can, married to another or not. Wait can I even say that in my thoughts? Is that agreeing with my mom again? No, he says “She’s a b*t*h, a worthless mother.” Not that she deserved his cruel words; he deserved hers’ in a small way. He left her and leaving her meant that he left me as well.

The therapist once said that my issues with sticking to something. Or someone else, more like, was because my father never showed me what a balanced relationship was and my mom was always on and out of them for as long as I can remember. So my mother is laying the blame again on my father for every one night stand that I’ve encountered. Or the fact that staying with one guy for to long never worked, three months I was with Michael and I didn’t even cry when he broke my heart, I simply found another one nighters. My father said three months was longer then my mom was able to keep a man, and she should be glad I didn’t let one guy break me down.

My parents I think should just need to grow up. I’m still supposed to be the kid, not telling them to stop fighting because I’m not [picking which one I want out of my life. Though my father it seems is only around maybe once or twice a month. Long enough to tell me what I am doing wrong and my mom stands by loyally. But still I’m tired of playing sides, or pretending to at that. It’s all driving me insane.

So I think I’ll leave them both without a last thought when I’m old enough to be on my own. For at least seventeen years. So they know what it’s like to go so long without an once of hope that something will change. He’s the one that left but she’s the one that kept him away for to long. And their both to busy giving out blame to know that it is getting old. Or to see the new scars added upon my arm. To bad they just can’t grow up and see that I need them both.





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Aastha`Duggal said...
Nov. 27, 2009 at 5:56 am
Very brave of you to put up with the whole situation. Most teens breakdown and lose all control.
 
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