This was not my first break-up, but it was the first break-up I have taken with great pain. My first break-up was with the same guy as this break-up, but now it is for real. When I broke up with him before I didn’t feel deeply connected to him. This time, I didn’t want to have to break-up with him. I wanted to be together forever. I was in love.

This is the first break-up I have gone through those crappy stages of break-up. It’s kind of “fun” to learn as I go along, what each day will bring emotionally….No really it is not fun at all. It is horrible and painful. I am defiantly not over him yet, so this is an incomplete story.

Break-up day: I realize that I really just told him I was breaking-up with him. I realize he really did cheat on me. I realize he really doesn’t love me anymore. I call my best friends, and talk about how men and boys are jerks. I go on Facebook and IM friends I am only sort of friends with and complain to them about him as well. I cry myself to sleep over having had to break-up with him.

Day one post break-up: I, again, think of how he doesn’t love me. I feel hurt, and don’t want to go to school. I go anyways, and am glad to be around my friend, the people that know how to make me laugh. I almost cry when I see stupid things that randomly make me think of him. I go through the day like a zombie, and I can barely do my schoolwork, or even eat lunch. I force myself to do what I have to. I write a zillion poems about the break-up.

Day two post break-up: I want to call him so much. I want to beg for him back. I want him. I can’t eat much, books are too much, and everything in the world seems to be about love.

Day three post break-up: It’s a Saturday. We always used to text a lot on the weekend. I want to cry all morning, as I try to do my homework. One of my best friends, who also had a recent cheating-boyfriend, comes over to my house. We have a girl night. I don’t cry or feel at all sad. I feel good and strong.

Day four post break-up: It’s my first day at a new church, and the hell if I’m going to let my break-up ruin what I have heard is a really fun youth group. I manage not to think of him all day, as I go through the fun and scariness of being the new girl in a big church. After church there is so much I want to tell someone. And the someone I want to tell is him. I feel sad so I decide to write.

When I began typing my feelings the hurt goes away. Days five through ten, I go to school, feel sad, came home, do homework, feel sad, stay up late writing, feel relieved and okay for the first time. I realize that writing is the only way to escape. Now it’s day eleven and I feel okay. It still hurts, but not right now because words are flowing from my finger-tips.

I wish I was ready to write the I’ve-Moved-On article, but I’m not at that place. I’m aiming to write that on day twenty-one which is the last day of September. Then I can completely devote myself to having new crushes and writing my novel, without the distraction of needing to write this dumb articles about him. These articles I have to write in order to survive.