Finally Speaking

September 24, 2009
Have you ever fought with your family a lot or have problems with family? Well after my dad died, my brother got kicked out, and my mom got remarried my life has not been good.
In my house there is yelling, fighting, and drinking. I do not like this! My mom yells at me constantly for nothing or something so small. Then when my step dad drinks he yells at me. One say i told my mom i did not like whats going on but who knows if she will listen.
No one really understands my feelings about how hard it is to not have a dad when you need them because all my friends have one, having a step dad, sometimes you do not get along and then having a non-understanding/ yelling mother. I always get along with my brother but a couple months ago he was getting in to bad stuff. he is the only one i can talk to and he understands what i am going though.
i always talk to my two best friends about everything and everything that's going on with me. i never talk to my mom! because she wont get nothing. Yeah my friends understand how it is not to have a dad but not the feelings in side but i try to explain and they sometimes get it.
When i finally told my mom what was wrong with me she was just shocked, but those who get what i am going though, its hard! I was about to go live with my best friend because there was just to much drama and things going on.
Sometimes i cry myself to sleep because either my mom and step-dad are fighting or one of them were yelling at me for the smallest thing. Sometimes my mom just does not get it that i just need my dad to talk to not my step-dad because that's just kinda weird to me. he doesn't know that much about me.
Sometimes i just sit there crying and want to kill myself. But luckily my friends are there to support me. My mom thinks i need a counselor but i said no i have my friends and she questioned that and i said yeah. My mom does not get that my friends are there and actually listen and talk about my problems and feelings.
When something bad happens and i need my dad, i always use to blame god. I am sorry god. I would always end up in my friends arms because i am crying or something is wrong. Whenever something is wrong i call my friends and they help me though it, they can understand and keep up with me.
Sometimes i would just need god. When my mom or step-dad yelled at me i just needed to be in my own dads arms. I just kept asking WHY,WHY,WHY did my dad had to die?!? I did not deserve such a thing! Plus with my brother not living here and getting in trouble there's no one i can turn to and they understand my feelings. I can not believe this is happening!

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