Since fifth grade I've always thought I was never good enough,because I wasn't pretty enough or thin enough. In sixth grade I was frequently remind of this by both my peers and family members. During this time I thought i was completely worthless. No one would ever love an ugly child: not my parents, not my friends, not even God. It was during this time I started drinking. By seventh grade I "sold out" to trends and trying to be as thin as I could be. I would stop eating at periods of time.but somehow the parties thrown by my new friends filled the void. It was sad,but the people who hated me,teased, me and ignored me were now my best friends. I revolved my world around these people, these trends. I would take mental notes can't like this love that. Hollister always walmart never. Of course after the party lights i was still crying wondering if it was all just pity. After the year ended summer come and i became mute whenever my two cousin came into a room. I had a feeling they didn't like me and one of their brothers told me they never liked talking to me either. So by eighth grade i made new friends ,but still rarely talk to my cousins. I punch my stomach often and still don't eat in front of a certain number of people. I still feel disgusting with myself. It wasn't untill this year where I promised myself I would make an honest effort to stop drinking. I barely talk to my old "friends" and I feel like i have some genuine people I can talk to. I feel like I've finally found a place in this town.
My self esteem
September 13, 2009