I feel so angry, and so sad. The anger I feel is for no one but my self. I love her so much but I fear I can not tell her. I love her so much I fear by telling her she will shun me from her life. I envy those who are close to her. Those people who know her more than I. These people who she loves with all her heart and soul. As I ponder the other thoughts that weigh on my mind; I am distracted; for as I sit and write, the wind howls and the moon glows. For some unexplained reason these common elements of nature are magnified to the utmost extreme. I hear the crickets chirp and the wolves cry. I believe it is this un-vented love that is creating these supernatural senses; forcing its way through my ears and eyes. I believe it is creating a funnel catching every last sound that exists on this earth. I believe this love is creating magnifying glasses that never leave my eyes. Each sound and sight lasts but a moment; unfortunately this reminds me of life, and furthermore this pathetic existence I am living. The sadness I feel is for my unrelenting love for her. Only acquaintances and nothing more; bound to a relationship of talking while I watch others steal her heart, these thieves that take her heart and run away. I wish oh so much they would return it so that I may have it and keep it. I desire it so that I might cherish it and love it. For all that is good and holy how much can one man take?! How much longer can I watch and listen to these fools that deceive her with false love. They charm their way into her life with tales of romance and bravery. I am saddened by these lies, and furthermore am almost angered. It is unbearable to not tell her; to keep it a secret for the rest of my dreadful existence. Maybe one day she will realize how much I love her by not telling her what my true desires are. By not telling her, I am destroying my soul bit by bit and piece by piece. I am sacrificing so much I can not bear it. One day she may realize this is the ultimate love and the purest I could feel for any girl. I shall never love another girl for as long as I live. She is the one for me even if I am not the one for her, and will be forever more. For how can she not be? My eyes will never fall on another and love her. This is true love I feel not foolishness. So one day I hope and pray she will love me, if not, then I shall wait for the next day, and if still no I will wait forever. Join in prayer with me that I will not have to. For my soul is so tattered I doubt it could take the weight of such a strain.
August 11, 2009