I Thought It Could Be Different

August 10, 2009
I can't believed I thought things would actually change...I somehow found a way to fool myself. I should've known there was no way that you were going to change...that you were ever going to put all the lies and bull s*** away. Everyday I wondered if things were going to get better, cause that's what YOU wanted...and secretly I wanted it too, but you were all talk and no walk. You say all this crap, but when it actually comes to do follow through you just runaway and give up. Shows how much you actually wanna fix things, whichi clearly isn't very much.
I don't understand why you are doing the things the way you are...and honestly you're making this hurt more than it needs to. I really don't think you know how much pain all your little lies and crap have caused me.
Don't know why I'm even saying that because I truly don't think you care. I think you just wanted to put on a little show just to see if I would play along. You know what....it worked. I played along with your stupid game, not knowing what kind of torture I was getting into. I didn't actually think I would ever end up falling for it....but you're so used to lies and tricks that you were a master at it by the time I came along. You made everything so believable and so real that I really had no choice but to believe you... psht how could I have been so blind and stupid. Everything you said to me was probably a lie and just part of your little game plan...whatever the heck that was.
I wish that I didn't believe all of this because I was praying all the time that when you said you wanted to make it better, that you were actually going to follow through with it because you wanted to. I waited everyday for you to do something....and nothing ever happened. One day it was just too much and I had almost completely given up, but somehow I found some sort of light in you to keep holding on for just one more day, because I honestly was not ready to let go.
I don't know what it was that I saw...but there was something that continued to help me hold on, even though somehwere deep down I was worried nothing would ever happen. Although that feeling was a part of me, I ignored it for as long as I could until something finally snapped, but it was already too late...my worst nightmare had come a reality. To know that something you had waited day in and day out for...to know it was just some big lie, it's the worst feeling in the world.
All I had ever wanted and hoped for was that you wouldn't be just like every other person.... but now I don't know what to think. I guess it's up to you to truly show what you are...be true to not only yourself, but to others and me....for once. Please.

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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

Diana101 said...
Aug. 23, 2010 at 7:32 pm

I can totally understand the pain you went through. I don't know if this was exactly what you went through but, last year some guy asked me out as a "joke". I had never had a boyfriend before so I honesly thought there was some guy that actually "liked" me. So after this guy asked me out I was all excited. And this was kinda popular so I felt popular. But after that weekend, back at school he "broke-up" with me. I honestly wasn't heartbroken, cause we didn... (more »)

PLMusicLover11 replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 8:40 am

That wasn't exactly what happened no, but that has happened to me before so I know how you feel.  It's horrible how guys think they can just toy with our hearts like that, but the good part about it is that it will bring us one step closer to our true love and essentially oureternal happiness.


Thank you for the comment =]

mandapanda91 said...
Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:30 pm
I can totally relate to this. . . its like you took the words straight out of my mouth.
PLMusicLover11 replied...
Jan. 7, 2010 at 7:02 pm
well i'm glad that my wordshave reached out to you and that you can really relate to them...that means a lot to me.
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