Sad songs play Bobby V in the stereo. This is how life is going to be for me. Laying in bed getting fatter and crying as Keyshia Cole sings about reality the life i wish mine could be. Bright a** sun dark a** clounds I feel like I'm walking through a big a** crowd. All eyes on me it's clear to see. People smell fear an can see my tears. But how? All my thoughts and feelings are covered by this tough exterior. On the outside your insults don't hurt, that is until they seep through to the once beating heart that is now still and blue. A colorful wig, big shoes, a red nose, and rosey cheeks I guess Im in actualality the clown you people see. A human full emotions but she doesn't know how to show them. Would you understand if I cried maybe if I opened up? But if I told it all noone would listen! Who would give a f***? Im the ugly duckling in a gang of swans. You don't see me you see the person you want me to be. I admit I have wronged in the past but we all make mistakes. You judge me I judge you but in reality nothing we thought is true. Put both feet in my shoes an jog around the block see how I feel. Because the hell I'm living in is real. Nothing can help me. I feel like I'm trapped and it's immpossible to break free. Like the real me is trapped behind the person I pretend to be. Another soul another mind another body. A heart that beats full of love and not defeat. She is me and I am she the person you are reading about an the person you see are 2 different people but they both reside deep within me.
June 8, 2009