Pin Pricks

October 9, 2008
I still smell it. The sheets bleached white, covered with a sweet welcoming scent. The air conditioner exhaling, as if it was exhausted - tired from the bland conversation lacing the walls night after night. I still remember the tears filling the corners of my eyes, how I bravely rejected their entrance. I still remember it all scene by scene, piece by piece.

Irreversible they say, the handful of visitors from near or far. Thats what scares me the most. Never again could I relive the summer spent underneath dreams two years long but not so long ago. I could never take back my actions - buy back my time with her. Shes in an irreversible state, and it makes me regret so many small inconsequential things. It makes me regret so much. I notice pictures of her more than I did before, her jet black hair and her double chin. How beautiful, the radiance in her skin and the smile in her eyes.

At least for now, that hasn't changed. She doesn't even have to say anything and I know just by the way shes sitting how she's feeling and what she's thinking. And when I ask her what shes pondering about she looks me straight in the eye, 'I'm thinking about you and me, Mali'. I hear her, her lips are sealed shut but I hear her so loud.

Our time is irreversible so I sit by her cold bed every time I can just so I can hold her hand. My cheek rests upon the metal bars holding her within a couple square feet of space that will never be enough for her personality, she just looks at me and touches my face. She doesn't even speak but I feel more love pulse through my body than I ever have before.

Everyone around us fusses over the position her bed is, or over the next feed. I don't, I just need to sit by her because this moment is irreversible.

I now realize that everything we do is blatantly irreversible. I constantly curse not cherishing the years behind me but as my anger grows so does my heart with fondness of right now - thats the most beautiful thing shes given me, the moment. Its remarkable how much you can learn but just sitting by someones side and opening your heart and eyes. Simply incredible.

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