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My Skyscraper

When I was little I never thought about the way I looked. I always saw me and no flaws or anything that was wrong with me. I just saw me. I was full of life and was always happy, but when second grade came, my happiness and life were drained out of me. I was bullied at a very young age. I remember during our science lesson we were talking about sugar and how it can affect your weight. I remember I heard whispers in front of me. I heard this one girl say, ‘She must eat a lot of sugar because she’s fat,” and the boy beside her said, “I wonder how much she does eat?” They laughed and thought it was so funny. I felt hurt and almost started crying in front of the class until I had asked to be excused to go use the restroom. I walked into one of the stalls and started bawling. I was confused about why they had said this about me. I walked out and looked into mirror on the wall and saw that I was bigger than most of the kids in my class. I began to sob harder, but then my older brother saw me and went to talk to my teacher. According to him, she wasn’t going to do a thing about it because both the boy and the girl said that they had never said that. She had believed two kids full of lies over a girl who had tears fill with sadness and pain. From then on whenever someone made a comment about me and my appearance, I didn’t tell the teacher. If she wasn’t going to defend or help me when someone had hurt me, then I was going to deal with it. Things in second began to get worse when more of my classmates decided to use me as a target for their hurtful words. I moved away from that school in third grade because my parents divorced. I wasn’t sad that I was leaving honestly. I was thrilled to be away from the people that tortured me.
I had moved to a new school and things went good for me until fourth grade. The preppy and “popular” girls always had something to say about me. “Fat”, “ugly”, “weird”, “loser”, “loner”, and many more. Even the teachers had ugly words to say about me. I had talked to my counselor at school about this, but she wasn’t of much help to me. She would say “Just ignore them,” and send me back off to class. I hated going to school. I then developed an eating disorder… or disorders I would guess. Sometimes I would binge eat or I wouldn’t eat at all. Things were tough on me at this point. I had changed schools again, but things were worse. I hated my life then. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want any friends because I was afraid they would leave me to join a new crowd and shun me for who I was.
The summer before I had entered the 8th grade, I saw that Demi Lovato had come out with a new song called “Skyscraper”. I listened to it and watched the video to it. I have never cried so much than I have since that day.
I have always been a fan of Demi, but I never realized how big of an impact she would be on my life. Months before then I had heard that Demi had entered treatment at Timberline Knolls for self harm and eating disorders. I didn’t know that Demi has suffered from this. When she came back into the spotlight and released her documentary “Stay Strong”, I learned the truth about her past and what she was going through. Demi had suffered from bulimia/anorexia. Demi encouraged me to not be afraid of whom I am and not be ashamed of how I looked. Since “Stay Strong” and “Skyscraper” came out I have never skipped a meal. By one person’s story, my eating disorder was gone. I still get insecure about my weight or my appearance every now and then, but I am happier now than I have ever been before. I love myself and don’t people’s words get to me. It’s still a struggle to fight the bullies every day, but I know that things will be a whole lot better for me than they have before. Without Demi, I wouldn’t be able to share how much of a hero she is to me. Thank you, Demi. Thank you for your inspiration and guidance to a better lifestyle and positive outlook on myself.
If you are being bullied or struggle with self harm and eating disorders, I want to tell you that you are so beautiful. I want to tell you that no matter what size, race, religion, height, sexual orientation, etc. that you are, you will always be beautiful. I know that things are hard for you now, but I want to assure you that they will get better. Maybe not now, but in time they will. Just remember this like I do every day: love is louder than the pressure to be perfect.

(Inspirational Songs:
Skyscraper: Demi Lovato
Believe in Me: Demi Lovato)



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Xeny said...
Nov. 6, 2013 at 3:20 pm:
I can relate so much to what you have written and I actually pulled out things you've said to put it into quotes in my research paper on Demi Lovato and the impact she's made on her fans. I, of course, cited you and you should feel great about having your name on some random girl's paper who lives in Massachusetts! I just want to say thanks, and you should continue to write :)
 
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