October 15, 2010
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It’s hard to believe there are any straight forward cops in today’s day and age. Cops are pulling over the person going five mph. over the speed limit, rather than the kid that is robbing the convenience store down the street. I mean here’s a list of things I’ve always wanted to say to a cop. Starting with:
Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
I pay your salary.
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

My favorite type of cop is the veteran who drives around with his new rookie and instead of teaching him, how to be a real cop, he teaches him how to screw people over. Here’s a good one for you. A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner... NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop." The funniest part about this is I wouldn’t be surprised if this hasn’t happened before.

A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?" "No, I am an undercover detective." "So why are you in uniform?" "Today is my day off." It’s pretty sad when an undercover cop is easier to notice then a cop that is not undercover. It really doesn’t give it away when a black ford fusion has a couple hundred antennas sticking out of the roof. I’m glad to say I’ve only been pulled over six times for no reason, the only problem with that is I’ve only been pulled over six times. Not one ticket, now there is something wrong with that. I just hope next time they bring an extra donut for me to.

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