We never expect the ones we love to leave us, we expect they will be with us forever, however that is not what occurs. Never will that day leave my mind, sitting in the hallway before homeroom, was when the news came to me. Looking at the text message, “jimmys dead”, that’s it, that’s all it said. At first it meant nothing, another teen dead in the world, not realizing the connection. When most people hear about others dying they are sad, but you never truly experience the sadness unless it affects you. All day this was on my mind, for some reason it would not leave my thoughts. On my way home my mom said something that finally made me realize why the thought would not leave my mind; she told me that the kid from down the street is dead. All these memories add up to the one day what changed my life.

The people that live in my neighborhood are all of old age and not many young people come around here. Jimmy’s grandparents lived two houses away from me, and every weekend Jimmy, his sister, cousins, and parents would come to visit. Since there was not anyone else to play with in the neighborhood, excitement would become me when they arrived. We would play for hours, swinging on their tire swing, playing cards, and waiting for the ice cream truck to come. We even went to the same church, and same Sunday school class. My brother and Jimmy were on the same baseball teams, which meant seeing every one of Jimmy’s games. Those endless summer nights of being with you will never leave me; they were so much better then the reality that was going to occur.


After my mom told me he died, we agreed to go to the wake that was three days after he died. My whole family was coming with me, we all knew him, and we all watched him grow up. It was April 16, 2008, a bit chilly, the sky was clear, and it was the day of the wake. Picking out a black outfit, knowing it will probably never be worn again, we headed out to the funeral home. The two showing times were 4 and 7, we arrived at 7, the line was down the block to even get into the doors. We wait on the line for about an hour, recognizing many people, however we do not talk to anyone. Once in the funeral home we have to wait on another line that went through two rooms. Once actually in the room, there were pictures of him all over the place and more flowers then an imagination could imagine. We get closer and closer to the coffin, having never seen a dead seventeen year old, fear overcame me. Going up with my brother, we stared at his body. He looked fake, which made it harder to believe he was really dead. His coffin was filled with a lot of memorabilia, however never his face will leave my mind. His older brother, Matt, embraced me in a huge bear hug. My face was smothered into his jacket, air could not reach me, and it was the saddest hug ever felt. He was sobbing his heart out, trying to hold back my tears to be strong for him was almost impossible. Going down the rest of his family line, hugging everyone of them, telling them how much people loved him made me more sad. When seeing his sister, my mind did not know what to do, we were best friends way back when, the only thing that came out of my mouth was that she had to come back to her Grandmothers soon.

Walking out of the funeral home, passing the people sobbing on the stairs, I looked up at the sky. The sky had never been that color blue before. It was so vibrant and clear for an April night. It was a deep blue, to this day the sky has never been that color, and it was because Jimmy was up their. After staring up at the sky, I felt the urge to run, and get away from all of this. I could not deal with this, barely 15 years of age, and already dealing with a friends death seemed to big of a challenge for me. Realizing running far away was not an option, we returned home, it was midnight already, and all my heart wanted to do was cry. Pretending to take a shower so no one would see my tears, I sat their, crying my heart out. Never cried so much in my life before, it was devastating to me. To have someone you grew up with suddenly leave you, it is heartbreaking. It forever changed my life, that day changed my way of thinking, it made me realize so much about life, and it left me with only memories of Jimmy.

When my friends found out about my loss they were sympathetic, but no one truly knows how it felt. Losing a family member is what everyone goes through; no one will know what we lost because Jimmy was so much too so many different people. Jimmy’s game was life and he played it well; he was one of the best people you could ever be around. He always gave a smile, made you laugh, and in the end; taught me so much. From his death, I learned that you have to live life how you want, never live up to anyone else’s standards, and to have fun because life is to short. Jimmy probably does not even know how many lives he affected, he cannot see the amount of heartbreak his death caused, but if he could take it all away he would. Everything reminds me of him, baseball, pennies, tire swings, blue skies, parks, and certain songs. Hearing the name Jimmy makes me break down, knowing someone else is having the life he could have had, the thirteenth of every month brings it closers to the day it will have been a year since he died. Everyday it gets more painfully real that he is really gone and all I will ever have is memories.