The Presidential Report Card Re: George Bush This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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   Enough time has passed in the George Bush administration to look back at what the leader of the free world today has done and to evaluate what Mr. President has given the most time and attention to.

1. Baseball: B-

Mr. President looked good at the impromptu media game, but the scouting report still says: "good field, no hit."

2. Fishing: C

Our leader couldn't catch much of anything, except for the press, which was hooked.

3. Health: C-

While George has kept many from committing suicide or fleeing the country by keeping Danny Boy a safe distance from the Oval Office, he has failed to distract our attention with nagging, but reasonably serious, ailments, illnesses, and injuries. He should learn from his predecessor, Teflon Ron, that any inadequacies as president will be forgotten quickly by a trip to the hospital (finger injuries don't count).

4. Horseback Riding: F

Not a good rider. Recently, while riding, Mr. President fell on his ... wait, no, that was the old president.

5. Horseshoes: A+

Nobody does it better. (Can you name anyone else that could be found pitching horseshoes on all three networks?)

6. Golf: B

His 54-inch long senior's tour edition putter has created mild controversy, but his game remains solid.

7. Presidency, Policy, Leadership, Decision Making, Handling of Issues, and Other Important Presidential Stuff: Incomplete

Insufficient data. Apparently only "Saturday Night Live" notices.

8. Rhetoric: A-

A prepared speech and a dramatically embellished bag of crack can do wonders. Definitely better that "thirtysomething."

9. Tennis: Incomplete

While tennis game gets more press coverage than any national issue, data is still insufficient.

10. Overall: B-

An hour of batting practice, a good bodily ailment, and an hour of observing fishing techniques with Mervin and Irvin on cable will make all his troubles go away. n


This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.






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