A Scared Senior MAG

By Anonymous

   Some people doubted my scholastic ability, but I proved them wrong. I always thought of myself as stupid and never thought I would be able to accomplish anything, especially college. I want so much to get into the college of my choice. I know that that is everyone's wish, but my case is special, or you might say, unusual. I am an A-B student with a 3.1 grade point average. The only problem, or stalling of my acceptance letters, are my SAT scores. You know, those are the tests that are supposed to show how smart you are and how you will do in college. The SATs should stand for Stupid Aptitude Tests because that is what they are. From the moment I walked into high school as a freshman until now, I have given it all I've got. I have worked harder in school than most people work during their lives. The funny thing is I never knew college was for me. I never knew how badly I really wanted it until this problem arose. I have never felt so strongly about anything in my life. I am in a routine of crying myself to sleep every night. It is so hard not to be able to do anything about it.

Worrying and praying have become my obsessions, my life. I have these feelings 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I wish there were a cure, or medicine, to make the pain go away. It is like trying to reach for a star, you reach and reach to try and grab it. I try and try and where does it get me? I just wish that for once in my life, I could come out on top. Everything has become a blur in my life: my family, my friends, everything. I have never felt so alone. Everyone says that they understand, but those are just words. I am really trying to hang in there, but I feel myself slipping, and, at any minute, I will just let go. I have never pushed myself to the limit like I have lately. School is always on my mind. The thing is, I don't have a desire to do anything. Whenever I do something fun or show a smile, I feel extremely guilty, as if I don't care about college. I wish that I could just make this problem go away. I ask myself these same questions day after day. What does my future look like? Where will I go? Sometimes I wonder if I am strong enough to make it through this. I feel myself crumbling a little bit every day. It is as if a bit of myself disappears. Will I be able to get it back? I suppose time will tell. n

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i love this so much!


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